Harden writes with grit and insight, painting an authentic portrait of their dynamic.
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ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: The decision to write this memoir, I imagine, was not made overnight.
Credit: Amy Sussman/Getty
Life got in the way.
The process of picking up that book already would not have the collaboration that we wouldve had previously.
He said to me, You should write it after I told him about the book.
Atria Books
I said I was; he told me to show him.
So youre a writer.
High praise.That was, for me, a huge affirmation.
Im not a writer; I didnt study it in school.
But Im an actor.
Can you keep working with the narrative?
It was very scary to me, because I really hadnt intended to write a book about my mother.
Id intended that we would do a book together about flowers.
I went to the past, the present, and would have no regard for time.
I just told the stories as they came.
It was a great experience, but not easy very, very personal.
The flowers make for such a powerful motif for the story youre telling.
How they informed the story?I felt like I still had to follow that [calendar] structure.
If you look closely at each chapter …
I tried to find a memory from each.
For Christmas, I went back to the motif of the reef, and how Forsythia was so important.
Then that opened doors: it was like a starting point for each chapter.
Did approaching your relationship with your mother in this way cause you to remember things differently?
Did it change or flesh out your memories?Yeah, it did.
Memories are so ephemeral on some level.
It actually made my memories stronger.
I did research as well to verify my memory was based in some fact.
Sometimes I got things wrong.
But it doesnt matter.
Its the arc of a journey that my mom was taking.
If the plane touched down and then back up, who cares?
Not that facts are inconvenient facts are important but its not a biography.
I was so angry that she was sitting in a wheelchair, starting to forget.
Thats what made me first say, I dont want this to be what we remember her for Alzheimers.
Thats what made me start the book.
Thats what drove me to the book.
And what else would it be?
Did her body forget how to walk?
I dont know exactly why shes in a wheelchair.
Shes still the same beautiful person.
Thats what I remember that dress moment as.
And there are so many families going through the same thing.
It doesnt just affect the patient; it affects huge communities of people: the families, the caregivers.
Thats the beauty of her.
You know were going there.
By knowing its happening in the beginning, it makes the loss of her and her gifts more tangible.
Did writing this change you?
Make you look back on things differently?
Its constantly changing me.
So for me, its a little scary.
Its always a little scary releasing a baby and then talking about it.
Im being asked, What is it?
What is this book?
I cant go, Its a mystery thriller!
[Laughs] This is a mother-daughter journey.
Thats the best way I can put it.
