Jax gets caught in another bad situation and is a horrible portrait artist
Destinys Child actually had it wrong.
That is basically the lesson learned from tonights (and every) episode ofRules.
So we pick back up with Katie learning about Schwartzs blackout indiscretion in Santa Monica.
Credit: Bravo
Schwartz, though, doesnt really have any answers because he cant remember anything.
Soooo were kind of at a stalemate.
On the plus side, Jax bought a cooler that is also a motorized scooter.
Lala is officially back in the employ of Sur but cant remember how the hostess stand computer works.
Um Tim no understand.
Katie decides to take Lalas first day back as an opportunity to talk drama, specifically Schwartzs make-out.
Schwartz even has it tattooed on his butt.
Well, first they all paint penises on their smocks because theyre mature, over-30-year-olds.
Then, they paint surprisingly good portraits of each other.
Well, except for Jax.
His portrait of Sandoval is just a lotta colored stripes.
Maybe thats what its like to be in Jaxs head?
Just a lotta stripes and strawberry martinis.
While theyre painting, Katie, Brittany, and Kristen go and have drinks and gossip.
This encounter was seen by someone named Jen Bush who also apparently works at Sur.
Speaking of Rob, we get to see his house in this episode.
Its big and kinda empty like he just moved in or something…or doesnt actually live there.
He has dinner catered for Scheana, Ariana, and Tom.
Sandoval also hints at having sex with Ariana again and that also gets a sad trombone response.
The next day Ariana and Lala go shopping together at a store that sells see-through jumpsuits.
Obvs, Lala has been in the store before.
She had a previously emotionally abusive relationship and now feels highly insecure about things.
Lala is, well, the COMPLETE OPPOSITE.
Every morning, she tells each of her body parts that she loves them.
I think they legit just soaked candy in vodka because the little bears look moist.
Scheana doesnt want to hear any of it.
Besides, Rob never kisses her its not his thing.
Their relationship is strong.
Shes still technically married but they can get married in July.
THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS PERFECT.
STOP LOOKING AT ME.
Finally, its time for the party.
James brings Jax a toilet paper cake because Jax is a big turd.
Everyone starts just getting wrecked…except for poor Schwartz whos banned by Katie from having shots.
Faith sent it to James who then sent it to Lala, obviously.
Lala plays it for Brittany and she is appalled.
God willing, next week someone will barf out alcoholic gummy bears and well hear the audio.
