Im so sorry if youve never read The Toast.
Truly, I am.
The site is no longer active, but fortunately for all of us, Ortberg still is.
Credit: Daniel Mallory Ortberg/Instagram; Holt Paperbacks
This version ofThe Velveteen Rabbitis a twisted progression of greed; theirWind in the Willowsis unspeakably unsettling.
I feel like at leastThe Wind in the Willowsis pretty innocent, right?Dude!
Have you reread that recently?
That st is so distressing!
His compulsion around driving feels terrifying and alcoholic.
His friends are deeply concerned.
That book fed me up as a kid.
Do you remember that ride, [Mr. Toads Wild Ride], from Disneyland?
It ends in hell, Dana!
Oh, I remember.
You get hit by a train, die, and go to hell.The room gets slightly warmer!
They blast red lights and gust hot air at you.
I mean, Disney got it right on that one.
Have you been to Universal Studios recently?
They have aMummyride, and the storyline is that the mummy is trying to steal your soul.
And then at the end of the ride, he does!
The lights flash black, then bright white, and then the ride is over!
No one saves you.
And what would be the ways people would think about property and inheritance and legacy?
A lot of your writing is about history, and with a really academic focus.
Were you a Classics major?No, I was an English Lit major.
So all of my enthusiasm for things like Ancient Greek stories is totally a laymans enthusiasm.
So I even picked the wrong guy to be jealous of.
