The summer of 2008 broke history, and rebuilt it.
America suffered through a bitter presidential election on the road to a globewrecking financial crisis.
In theaters, cinematic generations were rising and falling.
Credit: Zade Rosenthal/Fox
Last week:Kung Fu Pandaand the DreamWorks Age.Next week: Oh dear God,The Love Guru.
CHRIS:Well, here we go again, Darren.
Two professional critics with shovels in our uncalloused hands exhuming the decade-old corpses of films that died unholy deaths.
By the time the summer of 2008 rolled around, Shyamalan was in full-on can-this-career-be-saved mode.
Expectations of a bounce-back were high.
But the critics savagedThe Happening.
The idea was interesting after all our abuse of the planet, Mother Nature fights back.
But watching again now, it doesnt do much with that premise.
Unless you find wind rustling through trees scary.
But that potential is never realized.
This one was a dog with fleas then… and its a dog with fleas now.
DARREN:The Happeningis perfectly awful, Chris, but I really want to emphasize that perfect part.
Its magnificent just how much is going wrong right from the beginning.
The opening dialogue sets a lobotomized tone.
A woman on a bench tells her friend (Cabin in the Woodsstar Kristen Connelly!)
that she forgot where she was in her book.
The woman nods amiably and continues reading THE BOOK SHE ALREADY HAS OPEN.
(Did she lose her place in the middle of the sentence?
And then her friend looks off screen and says, Thats weird.
Those people look like theyre clawing at themselves.
Whats happening here is, no question, a full descent into self-parody.
So you might see the intention here.
There are directors whocanmake wind rustling through the trees scary.
Hell, Shyamalan himself made the forest aroundThe Villagelook freaky for a few minutes.
But instead, the whole thing feels outrageously artificial, and I really want to emphasize outrageous.
I think I have to disagree a bit on Wahlbergs confidence.
With what I can only describe as true bravery, the actor coming off an Oscar nom forThe Departed!
tackles Shyamalans nonsense dialogue the way hed later tackle evil Transformers.
Have heard about this ARTICLE?
In theNew York TIMES?
A handsome boy in class seems uninterested.
Wahlberg: You should be interested in science, Jake.
Because your face is perfect.
I must admit to being a very fortunate viewer.
I first experienced the movie at a viewing party hosted by our former colleague,reigningHappeningexpert Kate Ward.
Viewed in that setting, the crapsterpiece nature ofThe Happeningreally comes to the fore.
Shyamalans trademark long pauses all but demand audience participation.
Am I drawing midnight-movie blood from a shoddy blockbuster stone, Chris?
I will take this up with Kate separately.
But lets pump the brakes a sec on what you just said about Wahlbergs performance.
Thats nonsense on stilts.
This is just an awful performance in a goofy film.
But he still just seems totally at sea without a life raft.
Its not just him, though.
The entire time I was watching the movie, I kept thinking Why arent these people panicking more?
Which, honestly, is a pretty apt metaphor for the experience of watchingThe Happeningoverall.
Its all tell and no show.
That said, thereisone great scene in the movie.
And I think you know the one I mean.
No, they just act like theyre watching a routine double-play onSportsCenter.
Thats bad acting from top to bottom on the call sheet.
And its even worse directing not to know that these people arent even remotely selling such a bone-chilling moment.
The jury is still very much out on that one.
I didnt thinkThe Visitwas all that and a bag of chips.
It was pretty meh.
And thanks to a very good James McAvoy,Splitwas fine butwayoverpraised.
DARREN:Me, praiseAfter Earth?
To quote Wahlberg inThe Happening: Whaaat?
I feel the need to backpedal away from implying that anyone who madeThe Happeningwas in on anything.
Im talking to a plastic plant.
Im still doing it.
And when I think about Shyamalans filmography, Im surprised how high my experience withThe Happeningrates.
But even though the straight-up horror ofSignsandThe Villageisnt as obviously dumb asThe Happening, they feel limp, lifeless.
McAvoys performance could just be lightning in a bottle, but a less-narcotized Shyamalan is a vast improvement.
The sheer length of that scene makes you feel likeThe Happeningwas originally a hundred years long.
CHRIS:Thank you for this gift, Darren.
You just delivered a better twist ending than M. Night ever has.
1:The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon EmperorAug.
6:Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2andPineapple ExpressAug.
13:Tropic ThunderAug.
15:Vicky Cristina BarcelonaandStar Wars: The Clone WarsAug.
22:The House Bunny
