And even with all that, youll probably find yourself thinking,Eh.
But here we are anyway, three weeks into Aries journey and still only vaguely interested.
And with that, Id like to introduce you all to the Gorgeous Ladies ofThe Bachelor, or GLOB.
Credit: Paul Hebert/ABC
And to make matters worse, Arie doesnt even know that its called a wrestling match.
And let me tell you something about these gorgeous ladies of wrestling: They do NOT believe in laughter.
In their minds, this is not a date.
This is the opportunity of a lifetime.
The women get to learn from Little Egypt herself, and she will not have them goofing off.
(But instead Tia and Bibiana go cry together in a corner.)
So remember last week when I said Beccas shopping excursion was a terrible date?
This one is WAY worse.
Instead, you have to put on a fake smile and fake punch them.
But of course, Bekah M. is INTO it.
For tonights show, shes going to be a sex kitten.
Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King!
Remember Kenny from Rachels season?
Excited to see him again?
Want to hear how hes doing?
You literally watch Kenny throw Arie around and then hes gone, never to be seen again.
Tia yelling Im too pretty for this!
and ultimately defeating Bibiana.
She asks if he prefers for her to be aggressive, and he is all, Just be you!
If she needs attention, he gives her permission to come get it.
Speaking of attention, Krystals time is interrupted.
GREAT THOUGHT, DUDE.
So should we address the issue of Arie needing a crying woman to feel like a man?
Great, lets move on.
As he so eloquently puts it, You were outstanding today and tonight you were amazing.
(I can only imagine how great his wedding vows will be.)
The next day, Krystal admits that shes been hated on by jealous girls her entire life.
But the wine isnt the only great thing about this date.
Theres also the riveting conversation.
First up, they discuss how early they go to bed.
THEN they discuss how early they wake up.
Welp, Id say that last thing applies here too.
(Surely its not the wine youve been drinking all day.)
He then walks her out and says his super easy most difficult goodbye yet.
(Next: Who let the dogs out?)
But for Annaliese, its about yet another childhood trauma.
(And cue yet another amazing reenactment.)
Do you actually remember this?
And finally, is there any activity that doesnt stir up some kind of childhood trauma for you?!
They cant even get the dogs to sit.
Scratch that: They cant even keep toddlers from wandering onto their stage!
Caroline then asks Arie about his last five years A.E.
After Emily and he admits he dated women who werent ready for marriage as a defense.
(Take THAT, everyone else!)
The next night is the cocktail party, and Bibiana has arranged for a special romantic setup for Arie.
Shes got a bed in the driveway along with a telescope so they can stargaze.
Only, when shes not guarding it, Arie and Lauren B. stumble upon it and start making out.
And you know what?
That information blows his tiny adult mind.
Spoiler: He does not.
So Arie promptly walks Annaliese out.
And because were already sending women home, what do you say we just keep things rolling?
If you all need me before next week, Ill be watchingGLOW the Netflix show with my dog.
