Was it good for you, rose lovers?
So, were you satisfied?
The action picks up right where we left it last week, with Colton pulling Chris Harrison aside.
Credit: ABC
Ah, good times.
Harrison, meanwhile, bids our Bachelor farewell with a brilliantly-executed handshake.
Yes, go forth and fornicate young man!
ABC
(Or, in Bachelor parlance, exploring their feelings on a deeper level.)
Fantasy Suite date No.
1 goes to Tayshia.
ABC
(Im not very flexible its probably because Im a virgin.
That night, dinner begins as these things usually do: With a discussion about Tayhias boobs.
It seems her double-sided wardrobe tape isnt doing the job.
ABC
Just dont let me be flashing the whole world, yeah?
she asks Colton with a giggle.
She also confesses to feeling ashamed when her husband cheated on her but not anymore.
ABC
Its caused me to know my self-worth, she tells Colton.
I value intimacy a lot.
So wheres that Fantasy Suite card hiding???
ABC
That is someverycute handwriting, Chris Harrison!
(JK, of course he didnt write that.)
Of course, TeamBachelorcant help but troll Colton a few more times before the Fantasy Suite fade-to-black moment.
ABC
(Next: Cassie gets a surprise visitor in Portugal)
Okay Cassie, youre up!
I want to be in love with Cassie, says Colton.
Dude, you may get to die with Cassie instead if you dont stop smooching while driving!
ABC
The rest of the day is spent strolling and smooching, smooching and strolling.
Cassie makes me feel complete, says Colton.
After today, I just know for sure that I love Cassie, point blank.
ABC
So how does Cassie feel?
It doesnt help matters when the Bachelor tells Cassie that he didnotget her fathers blessing to propose.
she asks, incredulous.
ABC
Im surprised by that.
Thats not easy to hear.
My family, I care so much about their opinion, she says.
ABC
The fact that they werent 100 percent sold on Colton and I together kind of freaks me out.
And then it makes me confused if hes really the right person.
Pay attention, moms, and dads of futureBachelorandBacheloretteparticipants!
You dont have to give away that blessing so easily!
Awww, yeah Cassies dad Matt has flown over 5,600 miles to talk some sense into his daughter.
Oh, I was just in the neighborhood, jokes Matt, hugging a shell-shocked Cassie.
So… do you love him?
Her response a tepid, I…
Turns out there is!
Quite a big but, in fact!
Its not [a decision] you make if youre unsure.
Cassie knows this and she wants what her parents have.
You always say, I never doubted it with mom, Cassie sighs tearfully.
Im like, I dont think Ill ever feel that way.
Sure you will, honey but like dad says, you cant force it.
Cassie knows this too.
Tonight could be one of the hardest nights of my life, says Cassie.
I have to send myself home tonight.
Cut to poor Colton, whos going on and on about how excited he is for the overnight date.
Even though todays date didnt end the best way, says the Bachelor, Im not worried about it.
Cass is the one.
Oh man, I cant watch!
Oh, wait its my job to watch.
to exploring our relationship, Cassie launches right into the Tough Talk.
Today was perfect, she says.
And I love you so much… but Im not, like,inlove.
Ooof thats gotta hurt.
Cassie tells him she is planning to leave.
I dont know if I can get there with you, she says.
I hate that I dont know.
Now Im second guessing it, she whispers desperately to a producer.
I didnt know it was going to be this hard.
Colton pulls Cassie aside and wraps his arms around her.
But Cassie isnt reassured.
I dont know that Im ever gonna get there, she says.
Still, hes determined to try.
Im not asking you to make a decision tonight, he says.
So, she continues to hesitate.
The Bachelor urges her to forget the TV show timeline.
I want it to be you at the end of this, he says.
Even without an engagement.
I want a future with you, he says, his voice breaking.
I want to be with you.
Ugh, Cassie just rip the Band-Aid off already.
The poor man is shaking so much we can hear his microphone trembling against the fabric of his shirt!
Tell him that its not about time, its not about space.
Its about a simple, sad reality.
I feel like staying here is making the wrong decision for me, Cassie says.
Though hes devastated, Colton is still always a gentleman, and he walks Cassie to the Escape SUV.
Then, after exchanging I love yous though each has a very different meaning Colton and Cassie say goodbye.
Ive said it before, and I will say it again now: Poor Colton!
After Cassie drives off, the Bachelor shuts himself in his hotel room and cries behind the closed door.
Then, the meltdown begins.
He just jumped the fing fence!
Soon he and several producers are wandering down the darkened road calling Coltons name to no avail.
Holy f, says Chris.
Run Colton, run!
Run and dont ever… look… back!
(Though maybe send Hannah G. and Tayshia a breakup text its the right thing to do.)
So, I guess well have to wait until next week another two-episode extravaganza!
to find out what happened and where Colton ending up running to.
(Do they have 31 Flavors in Portugal?
In the meantime, Ill see you back here tomorrow as we recap theWomen Tell All.
Spoiler alert: Therewillbe yelling!
The Bachelor: The Women Tellall airs Tuesday, March 5 at 8 p.m. on ABC.
