Did you think Colton was going to jump the fence this week, rose lovers?
Thats certainly what TeamBachelorwanted us to believe.
What this episode lacked in fence-jumping, however, it made up for in back-stabbing and smack-talk.
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Lets kick things off with… #SadCam!
Pack your bags, ladies!
The next stop on this journey is Coltons hometown of Denver.
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But first… filler.
Instead, Ben gives Colton these words of wisdom: Lean in, be intentional.
The first one-on-one goes to… Tayshia!
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Today, I will tell him what I think, she says.
I think he deserves to know.
But first… they eat!
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I am not questioning your readiness [for marriage], Colton assures her.
So I just wanted to hear from you about what youve seen or what youve heard.
Yeah, Tayshia Spill.
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Before she can, TeamBachelorcuts to these two.
Its just infuriating that these women would just drop these bombs on him as he leaves, sighs Caelynn.
Were fine… We know that its not us.
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But doweknow it, rose lovers?
Or is this quick cutaway TeamBachelors way of tipping us off to who the Mystery Women are?
Somebody call the FBI Tayshia just assassinated Caelynn and Cassies character.
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That really sucks, replies Colton.
Im not gonna lie.
Tayshias someone who I can see at the end of this, gushes Colton.
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(Next: Colton grills Caelynn)
Conveniently, Caelynn gets the next one-on-one of the week.
But Caelynns response is perfect in its calculated (maybe?)
I hate thatThe Bachelorettegot brought up, she continues.
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None of that has ever left my mouth.
Later, Caelynn vents her anger to the camera.
How the f would Tayshia know if Im ready or not?
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She saves her worst insult for last, though, calling Tayshia an insecure 28-year-old girl.
That was way harsh, Tai.
At dinner, Caelynn and Colton sit in somber silence.
Thats what I want.
Then, dear rose lovers, she drops the Im falling in love with you bomb.
And our Bachelor LOVES it.
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She gets the rose.
See ya at hometowns, honey!
(Let us not discuss the private concert by whomever that was at Red Rocks, okay?)
‘The Bachelor’ episode 7 recapCredit: ABC.ABC
Blissfully, we dont have to wait long to see the Caelynn-Tayshia showdown the next morning.
Side note, how cute is Tayshias sweater?
I just feel like our friendship was kind of all a lie.
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Tayshia is the opposite of rattled.
She informs Caelynn thatallof the women think Katie, Demi, and Sydney were talking about her and Cassie.
Did I have any plans of talking about you?
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No, says Tayshia.
Colton asked me a question, and I told him my opinion.
Instead, Tayshia walks away, leaving a forlorn Caelynn on the couch.
Meanwhile, Colton is on his third one-on-one date of the week, this one with Hannah B.
Can he get there by the end of dinner?
I dont know if Im there, he tells her sadly.
Okay, but could you look Hannahs mother in the eye?
Oh, thats right we live in a patriarchy.
Hannah B. is heartbroken, but she handles it well.
Im glad to know that now, she says sadly.
I wouldnt want you to come meet my family if you dont feel that way.
I dont deserve that.
Thats right, sister.
All aboard the party bus, ladies!
One by one, the Bachelor pulls each woman aside for a do you deserve a hometown date?
Heathers up first, and shes got something very important to say:
Welp, that was easy!
Hope you enjoyed that whole first-kiss thing.
I dont want you to believe that, she says.
I dont know why girls are making stuff up like that.
As you could probably tell from the swelling music, Colton is totally buying everything Cassie is selling.
But she doesnt have the rose yet and he still has to talk to Kirpa.
To that end: I have concerns about Cassie and Caelynn, that theyre just not ready.
So what does Kirpa know?
Where did my gut go wrong?
Is my gut wrong?
Answers: Probably when you said yes to the Bachelor gig; and yes, yes it is.
Hold up, its time for the Kirpa and Cassie confrontation thatwe previewed on Friday.
Why would you go spend your time talking to Colton about me?
(Im paraphrasing.)
I have his best interests at heart, insists Kirpa.
I dont have anything to feel bad about because I didnt make anything up…
I expressed my opinion, and thats that.
Cassie is not impressed.
Sorry, ladies go get dressed for dinner.
Part two of this three-on-one date awaits!
You know whats not awkward at all?
The seating arrangement at this (probably larger-than-necessary) table.
(The ticking-clock sound effect is a nice touch, TeamBachelor.)
Thats when things get weird.
Did this last-minute Hail Mary save Cassie from the Reject SUV?
Survey says…
Hes an adult he can make his own decisions, says Kirpa.
A generous sentiment, for sure.
Well, rose lovers, weve almost made it to hometowns.
Can you believe it?
Are you surprised Colton ignored all the warnings about Cassie and Caelynn?
Are you #TeamTayshia or #TeamCasslynn?
And how exactly does one sit in chocolate?
Post your thoughts below!
The Bachelorairs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.
