Who needs a rose ceremony when the testosterone is flowing so freely, right rose lovers?
Other Luke), and Hannah is not about to let herself get burned.
The first date of the week goes to Jed but its all the way in Boston.
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Nothing like driving an hour-plus after a cross-country flight!
Hannah is waiting for him at Quincy Market, which is part of the historic Faneuil Hall marketplace.
(Paul Revere invented the bike.
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Though Jed and Hannah dont appear to stop for any pizza (missed opportunity!
Jaylen eventually sits Hannah down to talk about how things are going with Jed.
(Short answer: Awesome.)
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I feel excited about Jed, adds Hannah.
He really is exactly what Ive wanted.
Hes confessing this, adds Jed, because I just want you to know the truth.
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And God help me, rose lovers,I believe him.
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?
I feel something growing inside of me that Ive never felt before, Jed continues.
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No, dear readers, its not cancer its love!
And our Bachelorette is 1-800-Into-It.
(Im excited, Im a competitor!
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he crowed as the rest of the men rolled their eyes.
Its about to get bloody!)
Why, yes it is!
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Weve seen some gruesome stuff out on this field!
barks one Newport player.
Weve seen people breaking their legs, legs hangin off, only hanging on by skin and sock.
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The bachelors look understandably nervous, but man, Hannah is LOVING this description of rugby carnage.
This is so hot!
But first, hey enjoy this terrifying laugh-scream from John Paul Jones.
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Honestly, we should be more worried about the crowd, anyway.
Having been whipped into a frenzy by producers, the women chant Kill him!
on cue and howl with delight at every rough tackle.
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It seems that he may have dislocated his shoulder while tackling one of the other guys.
Ill never quit on her.
I think maybe sometimes he can be a little too aggressive, notes Peter.
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groans the crowd in unison.
What the f was that?
yells Other Luke angrily.
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Did you see what happened?
If only Hannah had just pulled Team Bachelorette aside and asked for an instant replay of the moment.
It was all on camera, woman!
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Luke cant control himself, he huffs.
Hes a frickin animal.
The rest of the guys agree with him.
Luke P. is just looking out for Luke P., grumbles Mike.
Luke P., hes just kind of a dick, adds Dylan.
Rather than waiting for someone to grab her, the Bachelorette summons Luke P. for the first one-on-one chat.
Mama has questions, dammit, and shes not going to wait for answers.
Nor does Aggro Luke even wait to be asked he just launches into his version of events.
To be honest… Ive seen red flags come up, Luke P. continues.
Hes always talking about his brand and his liquor company.
Ive never heard him talk about you.
But Hannah is not ready to make her final judgment.
That really makes me upset to hear that.
I think that Im gonna quit the show.
Dylan reports that 95 percent of the guys in the house dont get along with him.
Oh hey Kevins back!
Feel better, buddy.
Ive got 14 friends in this house, and you could have seriously hurt one today, says Garrett.
Im gonna let you know that Im not okay with that.
In response, Luke P. just smirks and Mike is not amused.
You laugh because youre a fing psychopath!
He goes from I dont remember how it happened to hes coming up to me with clenched fists…
I felt I needed to defend myself.
Good Lord, folks were not even through thesecond date.
You know everyone in here thinks youre nuts, right?
snaps Luke S. How do you feel about that?
Meanwhile, the one-on-one chats continue.
Clearly one of these two is going to get the date rose.
And the winner is… red-blazer Garrett!
Maybe next time, Pilot Pete.
It seems like weve been watching this episode for about 3 weeks, but it aint over yet folks.
Tyler C. still has to go on his very first one-on-one date.
Her feelings for Luke P. might be the strongest ones she has (yikes!
), so the Bachelorette finds all of these questions about his character quite distressing.
Im mad if I cant even trust myself with my feelings!
Im just not all right today.
Sorry, toots, but youre gonna have to snap out of it.
Productions on a tight schedule, and there is not time for your emotional vicissitudes.
And here comes Tyler, strolling up to the dock in his very New England peacoat.
(Hmmm… what do we suppose that is about?)
Tyler knows what to do.
This is all going to make you better at the end of the day, he says.
Oooh, thats good.
Mmmm… freshly cooked sea insect!
The duo head out for a proper dinner later that night at the White Horse Tavern.
(Its too bad they dont actually eat the food themenulooks good.)
But then fate or, you know, primetime television stepped in.
He was like, Ty, this is your girl.
Wait, did I just hear myself say Awwwww, thats so sweet!
Again, I ask you, rose lovers, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?
Hannah eats it up, too, and Tyler gets the date rose.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph anotheruncomfortable concert date?
When the final cocktail party arrives, both Tyler and Jed are wearing salmon-pink suit jackets.
Guys, how hard is it to touch base before leaving the hotel suite?
(Also, Mikes wearing red pants again, and he still looksgooood.)
Anyhoo… the night starts smoothly enough.
Then they get horizontal and make out for a bit on the couch.
(But… but… didnt you already say you dont remember what happened?)
Youre telling me you know something, and you didnt see what happened!
huffs Luke P. (Maybe not, bro butit is on tape.)
(Technically, though, both Mike and Luke P. are millennials.
That and, you know, the whole being black thing.)
But is Luke P. truly a psychopath, as Mike insists?
Well, three out of six aint bad.
Im not threatened by anybody, Luke P. shoots back.
After all, his parents were social workers!
I see both sides, says the Bachelorette.
This is not something Luke S. wanted to hear.
That conversation was a little alarming for me, he says sadly.
I think that shes siding with Luke P. But Other Luke is not going out without a fight.
No, says Luke P., after a pause.
I plan on telling her that I do believe that you are here for the right reasons.
I totally understand how you feel.
Hannahs been listening from the next room, and now she wants to seebothLukes in private.
You guys are introu-ble!
), so in the meantime, let me hear your thoughts, rose lovers.
Do you think she likes Jed or Tyler more?
And whats with all the red and pink sports coats?
Post your thoughts below, and Ill see you here next week.
The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.
