We all kinda knew it.
Or suspected it, at the very least.
There was anecdotal evidence.
Credit: David M. Russell/CBS
There was circumstantial evidence.
There was hearsay, rumor, and innuendo.
The only thing we lacked were cold, hard facts.
I mean, okay, maybe notallmen, but most of us are.
And weve seen this onSurvivortime and time again.
Quick, whats the dumbestSurvivormove of all time?
Erik giving up immunity.
Brandon giving up immunity.
Tyson essentially voting himself out.
JT getting voted out… with his own immunity idol.
JT telling Brad exactly whom his tribe was voting for.
James getting voted out with two idols.
Colby bringing Tina to the end.
Woo bringing Tony to the end.
Phillip Sheppards choice of underwear.
What do all these terrible choices have in common?
ALL MADE BY MEN!
So, to recap, men are dumb-dumbs.
They all felt they had a dude they could easily manipulate and control and theyre probably right.
We have these boys wrapped around our fingers, noted Angelina.
Considering how obsessed Dan seems to be with Kara, she may be on to something.
But I found what happened over on the David tribe even more fascinating.
But look how she went about it.
Do you want to play with me?
she asked Christian down on the beach
Play with you?
No, do you want to play thisgamewith me?…
I want to play with you.
Are you comfortable protecting me?
Watching this scene felt like taking in an old film noir likeDouble Indemnity.
Did Gabby play Christian like Barbara Stanwyck played poor Fred MacMurray?
And Christian fell for it.
Because he is a man.
And men are dumb-dumbs.
(Present company included.)
Of course, we all know the problem with sand.
(See video below for answer.)
Okay, enough of all that.
Lets recap what else went down this week.
Hey, heres a tip for all futureSurvivorcontestants: Dont play in odd-numbered seasons.
There was shivering and cuddling for warmth in the shelter.
There was abject misery.
You know, the good stuff.
Some old-school hardliners may take issue with that, but it seems to be the right call to me.
These folks got brutalized and, dont get me wrong, watching them suffer wassuuuuuuperenjoyable.
But you dont want them wasting away on national television.
They served their time.
Give them the damn tarp and fire.
THIS IS NOTBIG BROTHER!!!
God, I hope this doesnt turn intoBig Brother.
My life can only handle oneBig Brother.
And never shall the two meet!
Dear futureSurvivorplayers: just DO NOT MAKE THIS A THING!
Form an alliance, by all means.
In fact, form as many alliances as you want.
But do us a solid and skip the naming ceremony.
Which brings us to the Mason-Dixon alliance.
But again, thats not my biggest gripe.
If you have not seen this film, it is spectacularly stupid.
Again, a computer simulation!
Then the 812-year-old Rocky goes toe-to-toe in a real boxing match against the champ because of course he does.
My advice to anyone and everyone that has made it this far in the recap: Go seeRocky Balboaimmediately.
And my advice to Nick and Christian is to drop the alliance name.
SHOW SOME RESPECT FOR THE LINE, GENTLEMEN!
But Nick is ecstatic about the alliance.
Were like JT and Stephen fromSurvivor: Tocantins, he crows.
Seems like an odd couple to want to emulate, but okay.
Oh, I kid because I love.
I mean, I also love making fun of him, but he is a great dude.
Okay, but Iknowwho has the advantage.
And everyone else knows it too thanks to him leaving it right there in his jacket.
Dan thinks its a wicked smart move to leave it hiding in plain sight.
Sure, but isnt it even smarter to hide itoutof sight?
Where no one can find it?
Of course, this comes back to bite Dan in the butt when Jeremy goes and finds it.
He then immediately tells Mike who playing along with Probsts game tells us that information is the advantage.
Wait,isinformation the advantage?
Did he just answer Probsts question wrapped inside a mystery wrapped inside an enigma?
MIKE WHITE CRACKED THE CODE!
Mike also claims that having that information is probably more powerful than the idol itself.
Not true, but I know what hes getting at.
After all, I was raised on hours of afternoon cartoons in which G.I.
Joe characters like Duke and Snake Eyes and Rip Cord told me that knowing was half the battle.
But still not more powerful than an idol.
These arent the only idol shenanigans going on.
Davie is a quirky dude.
There is no Mason to his Dixon, as it were.
But more than anything else, I love the smell of Natalie Napalm in the morning.
It just has a certainje ne sais quoito it.
Hey, maybe that sounds a little aggressive on my part, but I prefer the termassertive.
What is going on with this woman?
My strategy is to lay low and get along with everybody, says Natalie in this weeks episode.
And I think its working out.
To which I say… define working out.
Natalie simply doesnt have time for all this nonsense.
Nonsense like catching crabs.
Nonsense like washing out your shoes.
Nonsense like skinny dipping.
Thats a whole other level of the game that the twentysomethings dont even need to worry about.
But the woman is doing herself no favors.
Its all about the puzzle.
The rest is all window dressing.
So did I sweat for the Davids after they fell way behind?
No way, Jose!
Did I waver when Probst started yelling, This has the makings of aSurvivorblow out!?
Hell to the no!
and the Goliaths have such a lead right now!
They never even appeared to be all that close.
Where did the Davids go wrong?
Why did they lose?
WHAT IS THE ADVANTAGE?!?
That doesnt exactly breed confidence.
But didnt she win that fishing gear?
Thats gotta count for something.
This leads to her agreement with Elizabeth and Lyra and the subsequent sand-wooing of Christian.
And if you could get Mason, then youve got Dixon and well, that gives you the majority.
(God, I hate myself for leaning into this stupid alliance name business.)
The set is awesome.
But the real drama is unfolding amongst the contestants.
Jessica throws some shade (do people still say that?)
at Lyrsa and others for not strategizing enough and playing too little, too late.
But the question is whether Gabbys film noir move will work on Christian.
What the hell am I talking about?
OF COURSE, ITS GOING TO WORK!
Jessica is only 19 but seemed to be pretty smart.
It just wasnt good enough.
No shame in that.
Anyhoodle, I guess thats going to just about do it.
Of course, were not truly done.
Theres still myweekly Q&A with Hostmaster General Jeff Probst.
Weve got an exclusive deleted scene from the episode begging to be watched (above).
