You have two balls you are trying to balance on your disc.
What word, you ask?
YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT WORD!)
Credit: CBS
Nicks ball taking a little journey.(Ewwwwww.
Not enjoying the visual right now.)
Davies balls starting to separate now.
Both of Davies balls drop at the same time!(God!
Stop picking on Davie!
Also, now Im confused: Are they separating or are they dropping at the same time?
Make up your mind!)
(You forgot to say Simon says.)
Mikes balls hanging on the edge of his disc.
(just never put the words balls and hanging together.)
Christian, ball dangling over the edge of his disc.
Are they meeting up with Nicks?)
Which is worse: balls separating or balls clanging together?
Both give you that uncomfortable feeling… in this challenge.
(OH, COME ON!
YOU EVEN PUT THE PAUSE IN!
YOU CANT DO THAT AND EXPECT ME NOT TO LEAD OFF MY RECAP WITH THAT!
JEFF PROBST IS RIGGING MY RECAP!
STOP GAMING THE SYSTEM, PROBST!)
See, its not my fault.
I cant resist it.
I know I shouldnt even acknowledge it and yet I cannot stop.
THERE I GO AGAIN!
Its all Probsts doing.
I suppose I should soldier on anyway.
Especially because we have the updatedSurvivorseason rankings to get to.
Ill tell you next week if it changes Got it?
Lets recap this sonofabitch!
What kind of title is that?
It makes the guy sound like a hooker or something.
Thats my bad, man.
But Nick did have a trick up his proverbial sleeve.
I wouldnt necessarily say it was agoodone, but it was a trick nonetheless.
I actually liked the first part of it.
Nice work, Nick!
But then Nick undid all that good.
What an odd thing to do.
Angelina
But you do!
Youdowant reciprocity for the rice!
Oh my God, this was delicious.
Let me set the table, so to speak.
He selected Nick because Nick picked him for the last one.
Nick also was closest to beating him here, so it totally made sense.
Who could possibly argue with that?
Angelina, thats who.
But she wasnt done.
And weve been able to eat because of that.
Its like that reciprocity quote from above.
You say that you dont want it, but then get mad when you dont get it.
THAT MEANS YOU WANT IT!!!
And told us that I am legitimately pissed.
I cant believe Davie would choose Kara over me.
What happened to the selfless act?
Did it get buried under the 10 pounds of Revenge Rice you all cooked in protest?
God, I love Angelina.
Yeah, it didnt work.
In a twist first seen onGhost Island, Davie was guaranteed an immunity idol for the next Tribal only.
The always riveting Pick a Bamboo had morphed and evolved into Pick an Urn.
(Did it mature like all those other relics on Ghost Island?)
But if wrong, he would lose his vote at the next Tribal.
(If he was right, he could play again with the same prize/punishment stakes.)
So what to do?
Davie talked out all his options, and I meanallhis options.
I swear, by the time he was done he had exhausted every scenario imaginable.
And then he decided he didnt like which way the wind was blowing.
No, I dont mean that as a metaphor.
I mean, heactually did not like the way the wind was blowing.
After all, look what happened to Dwyane Wade enthusiast Chris Noble last season.
He was offered the exact same scenario.
So anyway, this challenge forced the contestants to balance balls on… DAMMIT!
It is impossible to avoid!
Anyway, you know what the challenge is.
I really enjoy endurance challenges for the most part.
Not all of them, mind you.
I could have done without that pendulum swinging one.
But generally, I dig them.
That said, holy macaroni we have been getting a lot of these this season.
On their own, theyre mostly cool and often epic.
But having them pretty much every single week has been a little too much of the same thing.
As I wrote last week, lets get these bastards into the water!
Granted, I pretty much wanteverychallenge ever to be in the water, but lets get them moving.
I did like seeing Mike win, however.
He appears both well liked and well respected.
Hes proven to have a very well-rounded game.
Goliath Slays DavidIt seems that every week there is someone who is hell-bent on getting Christian out.
And every week they fail.
Maybe out there Purple Alison is seen as much tighter with the jury?
I have no idea.
But Mike wasnt going to sit back and watch that happen.
But he was right.
With more endurance challenges and puzzles on the horizon, the insanely affable Christian had to go.
Like I said, allow me to explain.
And Christian was gone.
Phillip Sheppard was voted against 17 times in theRedemption Islandseason andnevervoted out, which is borderline insane.
Christian is one of the most enjoyableSurvivorcontestants to watchin years.
The guy really was the entire package.
But there is something to be said for the most likable playernotwinning.
Last season, Wendell was the less-goofy version of Christian likable, funny, smart, tough.
But heres the thing: The hero cant win every single time.
Even if youthinkyou want it, you dont.
Because then every season would be the same.
Its like when Rupert went home inPearl Islands.
(Yes, believe it or not, there was actually a time when everyone loved Rupert.
But his blindside made for great television.
Forget I brought Rupert up.
Take him and his tie-dye t-shirt and toss them both into your memory trash can.
It also opens things up.
If Christian made it to the end, the whole thing was a fait accompli.
I have no idea who beats whom.
I mean, as previously discussed, I dont see how Angelina wins.
(Although I hope I am dead wrong on this.
An Angelina win would be glorious because Angelina is Gods gift to reality television.)
But Mike, Kara, Davie, and Nick are all legitimate threats to win this game.
Im beyond jazzed to see how it all shakes out.
Okay, enough of my yakkin.
Lets get toeven more yakkinvia mySurvivorseason rankings!
SURVIVOR SEASON-BY SEASON RANKINGS(From best to worst)
1.
(Tie)Survivor: Borneo(Winner: Richard Hatch)
andSurvivor: Micronesia Fans vs.
Favorites(Winner: Parvati Shallow)Ive gone back and forth with these two over the years.
AfterMicronesiaaired, I named it the bestSurvivorseason ever.
So then I returned that to the #1 spot.
If I wanted to watch one season again, it would beMicronesia.
If you ask me which is the mostimportantseason, well, obviously itsBorneo.
And the greatness just kept on coming.
Filled with huge memorable moments like Tyson voting himself off, J.T.
giving Russell his immunity idol, and Parvati handing outtwoimmunity idols at one Tribal Council.
I know many people would consider this #1, but its all returnees.
For me, the fresh blood ofMicronesiakeeps that season higher.
(Maybe not well at all times, but at least they were playing.)
moment to a truly exhilarating season.
5.Survivor: David vs. Goliath(Winner: ?
Thats what it all comes down to.
And its not just Christian, who is one of the most universally loved contestants of all-time.
That is an amazing 9 out of 20 that I would easily welcome back on another season.
Often, thats all a season needs.
And that really is first and foremost the reasonDavid vs. Goliathbecame an all-time great.
But there are other trophies to hand out as well.
The editing job done by producers was perhaps the shows best ever.
They experimented with new techniques which served to freshen up the franchise in its 37th season.
They added comedic flourishes that were totally unnecessary yet improved the episodes nonetheless.
They cut back and forth between players and stories in ways they never had before.
A top 5 finish.
Letting fans vote in the cast?
Hiding idols at challenges?
I think you all know how I feel about that.
Tempting people to quit an immunity challenge for a mystery vote steal advantage?
All the tribe switcheroos?
They played out to perfection.
TheSurvivorproducers always throw a bunch of twists out there.
Usually, some work and some dont.
This season, they all paid dividends.
I also appreciated how hard the bulk of the cast was playing.
Usually, you get a small handful of big-time gamers.
Another plus: The votes were completely unpredictable from week to week, leading to some truly crazy Tribals.
Sure, the challenges were a bit blah, but still, a rousing and triumphant success.
Some people hate on Jenna as a winner, but she won challenges and played an effective social game.
8.Survivor: Pearl Islands(Winner: Sandra Diaz-Twine)Rupert stealing shoes.
Fairplay getting drunk at Tribal Council.
Osten sucking at everything.
It was all delicious.
Loses points, though, for the awful Outcasts twist, which also led to a disappointing final two.
And the challenges may have beenSurvivors best ever.
WhenMillennials vs. Gen Xstarted, most us of were like, Yeah, its fine.
Not amazing, but not terrible either.
But then things kept happening.
And everyone kept flipping on one another.
And everyone kept getting blindsided.
And everyone kept futilely using their idols for other people.
It was madness and chaos in the best way possible.
And what was so fascinating was that (with the exception of Michaela) nobody took their ouster personally.
This was a season remarkably free of any sort of fighting whatsoever.
None of the ugliness ofWorlds ApartorKaoh Rongpermeated the proceedings, even amongst all the lying and backstabbing.
Even Hannah was entertaining with her neurosis.
Even Ken was entertaining with his late-game cluelessness.
Bret gave us a touching moment where he came out as gay to Zeke.
Sunday outsmarted Adam and Hannah with a ruse at Tribal Council.
(However, I still cant figure out why they went with three-person duels a.k.a.
truels and they definitely should have stopped RI at the merge.)
So why is it so high?
Because the casting and storylines that developed gave us people to root for and againstsomething every greatSurvivorseason needs.
13.Survivor: Caramoan Fans vs.
But hear me out first before you Russell any feathers.
It was flat-out grating.
But everything post-merge was spectacular.
There were so many moves and countermoves galore down the homestretch.
Also, dont overlook how great the bevy of water challenges was.
Should I push it down in the rankings due to the lackluster reunion show that followed?
He was robbed in the end, though, in the most controversial jury decision ever.
15.Survivor: China(Winner: Todd Herzog)Ive always loved this season.
It featured a really good cast stuck in a really bad location.
Todd completely owned that final Tribal Council.
Thats how you win a million dollars.
Plus: Purple rock!!!
17.Survivor: Cook Islands(Winner: Yul Kwon)What a difference a mutiny makes.
It was listless until that fateful moment when Candice and Penner stepped off the mat.
Then we finally had underdogs to root for.
Plus, just look at all the great first-time contestants (Parvati, Penner, Ozzy, Yul).
18.Survivor: Ghost Island(Winner: Wendell Holland)This was such a hard season to rank.
(Guess that Bamboo was about as riveting as watching an Adam Sandler movie as part of aSouth Pacificreward.
And then there is the ending, which also has plusses and minuses.
So again, both good and bad.
Like I said, a hard season to rank.
But the ending was fantastic, and I was engaged throughout, even with the noted weaknesses.
I liked watching Kellyn act like a super-spaz.
I was fascinated with the Laurel and Donathan strategic push-and-pull.
Throw that all together and you end up in the middle of the pack.
19.Survivor: Game Changers(Winner: Sarah Lacina)What a weird season this was.
We were treated to two titans of the game (Tony and Sandra) going toe to toe.
But something was missing.
Said events were all exciting, but they failed to form a cohesive unit.
all gone before the merge.
And despite the gameplay and unpredictability down the stretch, that is kind of what happened.
And then there is what happened to Cirie in the finale.
(The fact that it happened to a true legend in Cirie made it even harder to swallow.)
Thats a great example of natural show evolution that worked and the producers deserve to be commended for it.
20.Survivor: Australian Outback(Winner: Tina Wesson)An overrated season in my book.
Pretty predictable boot order as well.
Dude did burn his hands off, though.
But there is one thing I reallydiddig about this season, and that is the cast.
And, outside of one mind-bogglingly boring loved ones reward contest, the challenges were strong.
But now comes the bad news.
Like the majority ofSurvivornation, I was not a fan of the new final four fire-making twist.
That was a bummer.
23.Survivor: Tocantins(Winner: J.T.
Thomas)Okay, you may roll your eyes at Coach 1.0.
But imagine for a second this season without him.
His unintentional comedy single-handedly lifts this into respectable territory for me.
Seriously, other than Tyson getting blindsided, were there any memorable moments that didnt involve the Dragonslayer?
But the unlikely alliance between bookish northerner Fishbach and country boy J.T.
made for a compelling thread throughout the season.
Working against this season is the fact that there simply were not enough transcendent players in the cast.
(Remember Jerri getting literally booed off the stage?)
Terry was robbed on a final challenge that may or may not have been completely fair.
Another unmemorable final two.
Shane Powers should have been brought back forHeroes vs. Villains.
And theSecond Chanceseason, for that matter.
The fact that so many unworthy players went so far is simply too damning.
30.Survivor: Africa(Winner: Ethan Zohn)Some great challenges.
Not that much else was great.
31.Survivor: Guatemala(Winner: Danni Boatwright)One of the more unlikable casts so far.
Stephenies evil twin?)
Rafe was good for a few laughs, though.
Especially on rope obstacles.
That counts for something.
34.Survivor: One World(Winner: Kim Spradlin)Look, I have total respect for Kims game.
Like Tom inPalauand Rob inRedemption Island, she excelled strategically, socially, and physically.
Unfortunately, that is really the only good thing I can say about this season.
And thats too bad because I do think the One World concept was a solid one.
But, man, what a thoroughly uninspiring cast.
- Splitting the tribes up by age and the Medallion of Power were both enormous flops.
LikeOne World,Thailand,andFiji,Nicaraguahad just too many unlikable players.
Two people quitting with only 11 days left.
No big memorable moments.
EvenThailandhad the fake merge andFijihad the big Yau-Man/Dreamz free car deal gone bad, but what wasNicaraguas signature moment?
Unfortunately, it was people quitting, and that was memorable for all the wrong reasons.
Wow, so if you are still reading this then you deserve a cookie.
And not just any cookie but a cookie baked by Angie Layton herself!
Seriously though, much obliged for sticking it out.
Now, if you haveeven morefree time, watch the exclusive deleted scene above.
And also peruse myweekly Q&A with Jeff Probstandexit interview with Professor Hubicki.
And for moreSurvivorscoop, follow me on Twitter@DaltonRossand Instagram@thedaltonross.
Where would you rankDavid vs. Goliathcompared to all the other seasons?
Whom are you rooting for to win?
And who do you thinkwillwin?
