Welcome one and welcome all to another season ofSurvivorrecaps!
I’m your host, Dalton Ross.
Or, as some others know me, Dalton Dangerous.
Credit: David M. Russell/CBS
Or, you know… it’s possible for you to just call me Dalton.
I don’t have to impress you with my 50 nicknames, or flowing locks, or manly physique!
Mostly because I have none of those things.
So won’t you help me continue that sad and pathetic history by reading along?
Yes, sinceSurvivorstarted I have had a son that was born and gone off to college.
I have had a daughter that was born who actuallyinspired a challenge twist in the game.
Or “good.”
The point is, there’s not a lot of time for extra-curricular activities.
And toSurvivor: David vs. Goliath.
That is a ridiculous number.
(Really, just do tap on that link if you have not read that article yet.
I think any seriousSurvivorfan will enjoy.)
So enough with the pleasantries and introductions.
Let’s get into the premiere episode.
Ain’t nothin' to it but to do it!
Just look at the introductions to tribes themselves.
For the Goliaths, we get Natalie boasting, “I’ve been amazing at business.
Everything I touch turns to gold.”
But that juxtaposition was nothing compared to the way they simply step onto the boat.
Through words, editing, and visuals, the show is hammering home the underdog theme hard.
I mean, OF COURSE the producers did all this.
The theme is David vs. Goliath so they are going to keep hitting that theme and hitting it hard.
Mike White even spoke to me about knowing he was a villain the second they revealed the theme.
That’s right, I’m going against the grain!
I’m totally rooting for the Goliath tribe!
It doesn’t matter that Gabby and Christian are adorable together.
It doesn’t matter that Lyrsa and Elizabeth could be the next great mismatched power duo.
It doesn’t matter that one of the tribe members almost BROKE HIS BACK!
I just don’t like being told whom to root for.
The more you pull me one way, the more I push back to the other.
It’s possibly my most annoying quality.
And I, of all people, should be rooting for the Davids.
Not only am I a scrawny weakling, but my middle name is David.
Needless to say, it didn’t work.
In fact, they really doubled down on the Dolphin thing as a result.
But the point is, I am both a figurative and literal David.
And I actually do like the David tribe members better.
Does this make any sense whatsoever?
But the producers know we love an underdog.
And what do audiences love evenmorethan an underdog?
An underdog who WINS!
Which brings us to the opening challenge on the boat.
It is a MASSIVE advantage.
The Goliaths got a choice and the Davids got a choice.
And the Davids could have totally screwed theirs up or screwed up any of their stages.
There was no funny business in terms of how this was executed or played out.
But let’s just say that the conditions seemed pretty ideal for a David victory to launch the season.
Every single challenge of every single season favors certain people or tribes.
This one, and the way the advantages were distributed, seemed to tilt that balance to the Davids.
But that’s just my take.
Yes, ever since Cochran, theSurvivorNerd has become an overused archetype, but this guy is money.
Okay, let’s head to the beaches.
“Some indie movies and TV too?!
?You mean likeChuck & Buck?
AndEnlightened?AndFreaks & Geeks?
Those aren’t just “some indie movies and TV too,” Mike White.
Those are works of genius.
Take ownership of all your writing prowess!
Not only that, but need I remind you that you were FREAKIN' NED SCHNEEBLY?!?
Dude, you made it!
Do you know how hard that is?
You’re a Goliath, for chrissakes.
Start acting like it!
Also, stop looking for idols.
Or, at least stop being so obvious you are searching for idols.
Especially when you’re not in any trouble.
It also leads to a flurry of other people searching for the idol.
She and Alison want to break that trend.
Maybe they were hoping Kara would find it in there?
Those two were certainly looking pretty damn flirty and a shoo-in for a season-long showmance.
Perhaps Dan reverted back to “Fat Dan” after the season and she was Audi 5000?
I have no idea.
WHO CAN KEEP TRACK?!
The David Tribe
Wow, this Pat guy is coming in hot!
(Speaking of which: Why does a duck have feathers?
To cover his butt quack.
I’m here all week.
yo tip your waitress.)
She makes an alliance with Bi.
She makes an alliance with Elizabeth.
She makes an alliance with Carl.
Hell, I’m pretty sure she made one with the octopus before Davie killed it.
And she’s not the only one working it.
(Why will nobody adopt Thunder & Lightning?!?
It’s right there people!)
But notice they have.
Maybe Nick started to realize he was not fitting in, or maybe he just felt comfortable opening up.
Either way, he decides to share his story about losing his mother three years ago to an overdose.
It doesn’t mean the pain is fake.
The pain is still real.
Fear of a sympathy vote is a powerful motivator to vote against somebody.
But seeing as how far Nick was veering towards being on the outs, he probably had no choice.
Rain of Terror
Check out my man Jeff Probst.
Well played, sir.
These people were competing in a freakin' cyclone!
How badass is that?
I mean, terrible for them, sure but great for us.
Man, did it look spectacular.
The producers love a comeback!
But I like it.
(Proof or polecats and dominance of film presented below for your consideration.
I also liked the number puzzle.
I liked it all!
And having it take place in a downpour was the icing on the well-drenched cake.
In any event, the Goliaths won, meaning the Davids had to go to Tribal Council.
Or did they…?
We’ve had many contestants in many seasons have to be medically evacuated for a variety of reasons.
Some have gotten hurt in challenges.
But never has someone been forced out due to a transportation issue between beaches.
And the seas in Fiji can beverychoppy.
I can’t focus…
I’m scared,” he says as his left-hand shakes.
Someone holds his head still while Dr. Joe does his thing.
Dr. Joe talked about a possible fracture to the back.
“you could’t take me.
I can’t leave.
I can’t leave,” wailed Pat, but he knew.
“Not this way.
This can’t be the way it goes.
I don’t want to quit.”
But Pat didn’t quit.
He didn’t get eliminated due to strategy.
He didn’t get eliminated for rubbing people the wrong way (although that may have come later).
He didn’t even get eliminated due to an injury fromplaying the game.
He got eliminated due to a boat ride on day 3.
Even more brutal than poor Jonathan and Wanda back inPalau.
As I mentioned, there have been some really rough rides.
But I can also tell you this: The boat captains are extraordinary.
I have watched people vomit off the side while the captains have navigated choppy waters.
Throw in a cyclone and let’s all be thankful it was not worse.
And that pretty much does it for our supersized premiere.
So what do we think?
Personally, I was into it.
I think the casting looks good so far.
The cyclone challenge was epic to watch.
I dish it out so I have to be able to take it.
I can handle your mockery of my predictive ineptitude.
I guess I find myself gravitating a little towards Angelina and Alison.
They were working together to find the idol so maybe they’re working together in that tribe?
That means the tribe must trust and respect her.
Okay, that pretty much does things.
But a few reminders.
Do you like exclusive deleted scenes?
you’re free to also read that raw and emotional interview right here.
And for all the Survivor scoop you could handle, follow me on Twitter@DaltonRoss.
And now,finally, it’s your turn.
