And what makes us human?
Every Daywas originally released back in 2012, makingSomedaya long-anticipated sequel.
Check it out, along withSomedays official cover, and pre-order the bookhere.
Credit: Monica Schipper/Getty Images; Random House
The alarm goes off and I want to go back to sleep.
But I have a responsibility.
So I get out of bed.
Knopf for Young Readers
I figure out I am in the body and the life of a girl named Danielle.
I try not to imagine what Rhiannon is doing.
Two hours time difference.
Two hours and a world away.
I have proven myself right, but in the wrong way.
I always knew that connection was dangerous, that connection would drag me down.
Because connection is impossible for me in a lasting way.
Yes, a line can be drawn between any two points .
but not if one of the points disappears every day.
It would have hurt more.
I have to hope shes happy, because if shes happy then my own unhappiness will be worth it.
I never wanted to have these kinds of thoughts.
I never wanted to look back in this way.
Before, I was able to move on.
Before, I did not feel that any part of me was left behind.
Before, I did not think of my life as being anywhere other than where I was.
It doesnt work anymore.
In my heart, I know I have lost myself in a different way.
**
Danielle is taciturn today.
She barely responds when her mother asks her questions on the way to school.
I walk through the halls.
It is not that I find them boring.
Two days ago I stayed home and played a video game for most of the day.
After about six hours, I had gotten to the top level.
Once I reached the end of the game, I felt a momentary exhilaration.
Because it was done now.
I could go back to the start and retry.
I could find things Id missed the first time around.
But it would still come to an end.
I would still reach the point where I couldnt go any further.
That is my life now.
Killing time, so all Im left with is time thats dead.
I know Danielle does not deserve this.
I rally in English class, when theres a quiz on chapters seven through ten ofJane Eyre.
I dont want her to fail.
Its hardest when Im near a computer.
Such a brutal portal.
I know, if I wanted to, I could see Rhiannon at any time.
I couldreachRhiannon at any time.
Maybe not instantly, but eventually.
I know the comfort I would take from her.
To draw her back into the realm of the impossible that wouldnt be love; that would be cruelty.
I cant do that to her.
I cant string her along with hope.
Because I will always change.
I will always be impossible to love, except from afar.
Its not like theres anyone I can talk to about this.
and this is why.
I cannot pull back the curtain, because in terms of Danielles life, I am the curtain.
I never used to wonder if I was the only one who lived like this.
I never thought to look for others.
He wanted to draw me close, to tell me secrets.
But I didnt want to hear them, not if they led to dereliction and damage.
Thats why I ran.
I have been running ever since.
Not in a geographical sense I have stayed near Denver for almost a month.
I am not going toward anything.
After school, Danielle and her friends go downtown to shop.
Theyre not looking for anything particular.
Its something to do.
If Im asked my opinion, I give it, but in as noncommittal a way as possible.
I tell Hy Im sleepy.
She says we should go to City of Saints, the local coffee shop.
I have no way to tell her that I dont particularly want to wake up right now.
When Rhiannon was in my life, everything was a rush.
I hear the scream as a hand grabs onto my shoulder, as I am violently pulled back.
Danielles heart is now, after the fact, pounding with fear.
Im so sorry, I say.
I am so, so sorry.
Hy tells me its all right, because she thinks Im apologizing to her.
Im apologizing to Danielle once again.
I wasnt paying attention.
I must always pay attention.
The other friends are calling Hy a hero.
The light changes, and we cross the street.
I am still a little shaky.
Hy puts her arm around me, tells me its okay.
Im buying your coffee, I tell her.
She doesnt argue with that.
The rest of the day, I stay present.
Danielles friends and family dont mind if shes quiet, as long as they can feel shes there.
I listen to what they have to say.
Hy thinks her crush on someone named France is getting out of control.
Chaundra is inclined to agree.
Holly is worried about her brother.
Danielles mother is worried that her boss is on the way out.
Danielles father is worried that the Broncos are going to screw up their season.
Danielles sister is working on a project about lizards.
I am part of these conversations, but I am not a part of these conversations.
These people think Danielle is here.
They think she is the one who is listening.
I used to feel like this was enough.
Like an actor, Id get satisfaction from playing my part well.
Like an actor, I was never meant to show that I was an actor.
I am lost in here.
