According to Jughead, Archie Andrews died at 8:47 on a Wednesday morning.
Or … At least the Archie we knew.
And to that I say BOOO.
Credit: Jack Rowand/The CW
That melodramatic voiceover is too much Jug.
But that doesnt mean everything is back to normal.
Like for instance, Archie now prefers a root beer float to a strawberry milkshake.
In the words ofQueer Eyes Jonathan Van Ness, CAN YOU BELIEVE?!
But its true, Archie has changed.
Talk about great parenting!
Cleary, Weatherbee didnt hear that Archie literally beat the stupid out of himself with a bat!
But when a panic attack leads to Archie storming out of the party, Reggies had enough.
No wonder Archies so messed up.
The plan is for the Serpents to show up and take down the King.
He then signs Bettys affidavit in exchange for a G&G manual.
But heres the thing: Hal is a liar.
As she explains, Hals the only one who can understand Alices particular brand of crazy.
He also agrees to help them get to Hiram, but first, they need bait.
And obviously, that bait is Archie.
Archie agrees, and Tall Boy makes the call.
Only Hiram doesnt show up to the meeting.
Instead, he sends Claudius, and when FP makes a citizens arrest is that how that works?
Claudius ends up dead in a jail cell.
Archie means on the SATs but Reggie assumes that Arch found out about him and Veronica.
So of course, Reggie puts his foot in his mouth.
By the time Archie gets home, Veronica is waiting for him with tears in her eyes.
Arch assures her that she didnt do anything wrong, but its clear somethings not the same between them.
Yep, teenage boys will say anything for sex.
And with that question, its clear their relationship is over.
One relationship thats not over?
Reggie shows up to the hospital with flowers and Veronica hugs him.
And I, for one, am so happy they didnt just blow off Reggie and Veronica.
THE CHEMISTRY IS REAL.
But the episode doesnt end there!
FP IS THE NEW SHERIFF, YALL!
Im sorry, is Archie a drunk now?
Did he even have booze in juvie?!
Im not a fan of this.
I will say that the episode had its moments.
Was it all part of Hermiones plan to get FP as sheriff?
But lets hope they tone down the Archie of it all before it gets any more dramatic.
Also, how do we feel about Tall Boy as the Gargoyle King?
Do we believe it or are we looking at a Black Hood situation?
I still have questions about those seizures…
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