(Yes, it makes sense.)
However, I want to say something about this episode: This felt like the right amount ofRiverdalecraziness.
There were multiple absurd moments Chic holding that baby!
Credit: Jack Rowand/The CW
A grown man who goes by the name War Baby!
Clifford has a twin!
and Jughead turned his dramatic exposition up to 11, but you know what?
It was the kind of crazy that makesRiverdale, well,Riverdale.
If were looking atRiverdaleas a scale, this was a balanced episode.
Not the best, not the worst.
Only, theres no amount of string that will help him figure this out.
The Lodges think Fred would be an ideal candidate.
And furthermore, he once envisioned Riverdale as a futuristic town with a monorail!
Sure,Riverdale,why not?!
Ultimately, Archie is the one who doesnt like the plan.
Because all good relationships involve manipulating your boyfriends father to make it further your familys plan!
You know a relationships over when it turns into a negotiation!
When Jug gets a call from Smithers (!!!
), he heads to the Riverdale Bus Terminal to talk to the bus driver.
There, Smithers tells him that he used to coordinate transportation to and from Shankshaw Prison.
It seems Hiram has been talking to the warden over there…but why?
Well, lets ask War Baby!
Yes, you read that correctly.
Apparently FP has an inside man in Shankshaw, and his name is WAR BABY.
And the second Jug and FP pay him a visit, they learn the truth about Hirams plan.
But before we get there, we have to deal with a very public will reading.
It seems Clifford Blossom left a secret will that he requested be read in public because hes Clifford Blossom.
and a few others.
Thistle House remains with the immortal Roseanne Blossom, and Penelope gets ownership of Thornhill, a.k.a.
the place that burned down.
So that means Betty, Polly, Hal, and maybe Chic?
And by the time she wakes up, shes introduced to Claudius, her fathers twin.
You know, the thing where one twin always dies, typically at the hands at the other?
Well, after Clifford spared his brothers life wasnt Clifford so nice?
Only then can they take revenge on the Lodges.
Needles trigger me, Chic says, but Bettys not having it.
One thing Betty doesnt need dental floss to find out?
Needless to say, Polly freaks out when Chic takes her babies on an unchaperoned walk.
(Way to go, Alice!)
Thankfully, the babies seem to be fine.
Chic, however, is not who he says he is.
At least thats what Betty says to him when she hands him the results to his DNA test.
And that brings us back to the mayoral race.
Or I guess this is the pre-race?
Okay, to the dinner!
Hiram tells Fred that his plan is to turn Southside High into a private, for-profit prison.
That means all the housing theyre building will be home to the new employees of the prison.
I know, I know, it sounds very boring.
But Fred, upon hearing this, storms out and refuses to run for mayor.
Meanwhile, Arch stays behind to perform some sort of blood oath ritual with Hiram.
We come first, Hiram tells Archie, thereby uttering one of the series creepiest sentences.
Did Archie essentially just marry Hiram?
Whos the we: Hiram, the Lodges, all men everywhere?
This all feels like a bad idea.
Also, Im going to need shows to stop acting like these arent major cuts that will need stitches.
As for the next mayor of Riverdale, Hermione is running.
And as Jug puts it, the Lodges win.
For now, at least.
