We’re still talking about cake.
Oy, with the cake again.
We know thats where were headed before we even get started based on last weeks preview.
Credit: Bravo
Seriously, Sig: Channel your inner Elsa and LET IT GO.
Lets get into it!
Just kidding, she tells her she should be happy to see her ghost grandma and doesnt touch her.
Have you guys ever been to a jewelry party?
They are the WORST.
(What were we talking about again?)
Can also be calledJoe Six-Pack, where they basically do the same thing just with beer.
Or their shirts off.
Melissa wants Margaret and Joe to tell other Joe the story of how they met, because its juicy.
So if youre keeping track: Siggy and Margaret, formerly frenemies, are copacetic.
Dolores and Melissa are seething.
Hands up if you predict Lucite necklaces flying in the near future.
Marge Sr., hey let me age into you eventually.
Producers, hey replace any future scenes of #caketalk with Marge Sr. talking about literally anything.
Melissa, to her credit, stays relatively calm as Teresa needles her and Joe sides with his sister.
Trust me on this one: Ive got roughly one and a half healthy long-term relationships under my belt.
I know what Im talking about.)
Oh, were having peas with dinner?
Bob doesnt like peas.
Well Siggy is Bob-doesnt-like-peas-ing all over the place this season and it is incredibly irritating.
Siggy: Dolores is a person with feelings and problems of her own.
Be the Siggy on the wall in your foyer that says, I hear you.
Im there for you.
(I think its the one in the fedora playing guitar.
)(Recap continues on page 2)
Hey, its jewelry-party night!!!
Before things get started, lets review where everybody stands: Siggy is mad at Melissa.
Melissa is mad at Siggy.
Teresa is mad at Dolores.
Dolores is…mad at Teresa?
And maybe also Melissa?
Dolores apparently told Danielle that the only thing Teresa cares about is money.
There is unequivocally no way this happened.
Dolores would never say something like that, but moreover, shes too smart to trust Danielle.
Well no doubt hash it out at the party, which Im getting less and less excited for.
(Okay, I probably wont.
But I might buy one and sit in the dark binge-eating it while crying.
Listen, you do your thing, Ill do mine.)
Listen, theres gracious hosting, and then theres psychosis.
Siggy is furious with Melissa.
Was it nice of her to invite her to the party anyway?
Is it really freakin weird that she practically did a cartwheel when she entered the room?
Siggy has always struck me as someone comfortable with her rage, but shes clearly conflicted about it.
Let it out, girl.
Most of the party!
You win, Siggy!
You go ahead and lie on the ground, humiliating Melissa, like winners do!
Also, WHERE IS KIM D.?
I thought she and Siggy were such great friends?
Didnt Siggy get offended in Boca when Melissa called her a cock-a-roach?
Do you not invite your cock-a-roach friends to your super-special handbag parties?
), and now maybe shes back for revenge.
Its far-fetched, but I honestly hope its true, if only so we can stop talking about cake.
Histrionics about cake arent engaging, theyre annoying.
