Everybody’s fighting with everybody.
The title of this weeks episode gives me little hope that well be moving on from #cakegate.
(Le sigh.)
Credit: Bravo
Though…I suppose it could mean that Teresas not over Melissa trying to give her parenting advice.
Or Dolores isnt over Danielles accusation that shes been bad-mouthing Teresa.
Okay, I guess it could be anything.
(Fingers still crossed for Sisqo!)
We start at Margarets, and the shoe queen has just flown in from Vegas.
(I cant shoulder the burden myself, you guys.)
Well, Teresa doesnt think so, because they show off Melissa too much.
She will not rest until she feels she has evened the score.
(Thatll be $175, yo!)
First of all, Gia does not want a bikini that shows off her ass.
(Teresa thinks Giashouldshow off her ass, as it is a nice one.)
You dont discipline us that much, she tells Teresa, because youre scared were gonna hate you.
Gia, you are wise beyond your years.
(And such a good kid!)
Ugh, now were with Siggy.
I sort of willed myself to forget her, and listen, it pains me to say that.
(Well, it pains me a little bit.
Honestly, Im okay with it.)
I was a fan of the Sigsters last season.
She wasnt weirdly obsessed with cake!
(Was that a mixed metaphor?
Anyway, you get me.)
You have just experienced the equivalent of an aural unicorn.
Im not saying her past bad behavior should make you more lenient with her (see what I did?
), but you know what?
I dont think I would like it if you critiqued my parenting skills either!
So Team Teresa forever.
(I feel I am legally obligated to say both of his names because Siggy always does.)
Its the same old thing: He wants her working less so they can see each other more.
Siggy is not ready to just sit back and meet [her] friends for lunch every day.
Because consider this my official program.
Siggy wants to workmore, holding overnight retreats to inspire women.
You know what sounds even more horrible?
Trying out the retreat idea on friends and family, which is what Siggy plans to do.
You know, friends and family.
Oh, these crazy kids talking about peoples vaginas over pasta.
Does the fun ever stop?
The whole gang assembles, including Danielle Staub, who I legitimately forgot was on this show.
And is it a butt?
Marge has a lot of sex with men is what Im saying.
Shes a national treasure.
She deserves a better tagline.
Ill work on it.
First order of business: trash-talk Dolores (your fault for being the last one there, D!)
about her unconventional home situation.
Melissa says, Danielle is the most misunderstood human alive, to which I say, PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
And to which Siggy says, I am so much more misunderstood than Danielle in this group.
Or for being ugly?
Honestly, Im losing the thread here), and now its just a below-the-belt brawl.
Pasta makes people happy, Melissa pleads.
What is happening here?
This week was exhausting in a good old-schoolRHONJway, with nary a mention of cake.
(Okay, there was one mention, but Ill allow it.)
Strap in, you guys!
