But Cager and Billy are not entirely alone.
We havent even gotten to the two girls who have also stowed away on the spaceship Tennessee.
Then theres the mechanical giraffe Maurice.
Credit: Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers ; Sonya Sones
With a French accent.
And hes a Neil Young fan.
Thats when the book gets sad, Smith says.
Near the very end, when Maurice sings to them.
Smith said this bizarre tale was inspired by bizarre reality.
Theyre given these pathways to their future, and theyre getting narrower and narrower.
The horde of cannibalistic robots is inspired by real life, too.
But it wasnt a spaceship at all.
It was just social media, Smith says.
I fancy myself a poet of the blaspheme, Smith said.
Tyger Tyger, Burning Bright
Is that a fucking tiger?
I think it is a fucking tiger, I said.
Ill admit that I had never seen a fucking tiger before.
It was certainly a day for checking things off Cager Messers infinite list of things hes never done.
An actual fucking tiger, Billy whispered.
I think the Zoo of Tennessee must have broke, I theorized.
What the fuck are we going to do?
I have no plan.
Do you know what that is?
Parker had been hiding up in the branches of a fake pine tree.
It could have been a cedar.
I dont know anything about trees.
Hed been watching me and Billy swim.
But what about our clothes?
Our clothes were scattered on the shore beneath the tree where Parker was hiding.
Its a fucking tiger, Billy told me.
I cant tell Parker that, I whispered.
Hes a fucking machine.
I just cant, is all, I said.
So I continued, Besides, the tiger is just a machine too, right?
It wont do anything to us.
What do you mean by us?
Damn all this clarity.
Well, hes not supposed to do anything to us.
Are you daring me to get out of the water and tell the tiger to go away?
You should make Parker do it, Billy said.
You said it yourself, Cager: The tigers just another cog.
And cogs dont eat cogs, right?
That was becoming increasingly debatable on the Tennessee.
Worse yet, Billy and I were alone; we were stuck here.
What is that thing with stripes and orange hair?
Will he be kind to me?
I waded in a little closer to shore, but only about three steps.
Then I backed up one.
I tried to make my voice as normal sounding and calm as possible.
There was no need for me to shout at Parker, because the guy did have pretty good hearing.
How did you get up in the tree?
I floated up here, two days ago when the gravity turned off.
When the Tennessees gravity failed, all the animal cogs must have gotten out of the zoo.
A zoo without gravity can easily become a battlefield for clashing survival instincts.
The tiger chewed and chewed.
Tell him to stop eating my fucking pants, I said.
And Parker, being the rigidly programmed horny but obedient valet cog that he was, said, You!
Stop eating Cager Messers fucking pants!
Bad idea, Billy whispered.
Now I dont have any pants.
Tigers are dicks, Billy said.
Its only a tiger, Parker.
But I wondered whenif everin the history of humankind, anyone had ever said Its only a tiger.
But hes a cog.
He wont do anything to us.
Ill show you so you might climb down from the tree.
it’s crucial that you go back to the zoo immediately!
My name is Cager Messer, and my father owns this ship!
Do you hear me?
I am Anton Messers son, Cager, and I am telling you to return to the zoo!
And that was when the tiger ate Billy Hinmans pants too.
No animals, not even fake ones, like being in zoos.
What could I say?
I never had a Plan A to begin with.
Fortunately for us, we did not have to wait five days in the lake.
It was another refugee from the Tennessees compromised zoo: a giraffe.
And Parker yelled, Cager?
What did he want?
I refused to be my horny cogs fucking safari guide.
Giraffes are nice, right?
I whispered to Billy.
They really are, Billy said.
Theyre, like, my spirit animal.
How do you know that?
The giraffe looked directly at Billy and me.
He cocked his head slightly, as though waiting for one of us to say hello or something.
Also, I may as well admit this: I had never seen a giraffe before.
It was very tall.
And I was terrified of it too.
He had a French accent.
That giraffe is from France, Billy said.
Why the fuck would your dad make a French giraffe that talks?
The tiger thrashed and thrashed.
Bonjour, les jeunes garcons!
My name is Maurice, the giraffe said.
And if giraffes could smile, Maurice was smiling at us.
But, like, let me offer you boys a ride on my back.
The Alpine Tea House serves magnificent waffles.
Its just over there, at the bottom of the hiking trail.
I am, as you say, very hungry.
Cogs were not supposed to get hungry.
Something had been twisting out of whack on the Tennessee.
He seems really nice, and I love waffles, Billy said.
Billy, I am naked.
Whos ever gotten to ride naked on a giraffe to go get some breakfast?
Maurice looked at Billy and me, then apologetically said, Excuse me.
Excusez-moi, sil vous plait.
Maurice made a sound like Mmmph mmmph mmmph!
Billy Hinman said, Okay.
I take back the thing about him being my spirit animal.
And the tiger, who had no discernible European accent, said, Ow!
This is all there is to life, isnt it?
Maurice ate and ate as the tiger cried and cried.
Maurice burbled, Cette viande de tigre est delicieux!
Four or five days in the lake was starting to look like a pretty good idea.
Parker shouted, Cager, what do you suggest I do now?
Tell him to ride the giraffe, Billy whispered.
And the tiger wailed, Sartre was rightI cannot escape anguish, because I am anguish!
