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Loving her husband a lot is a good look for Dorit. Did she really convince herself that the meeting was at 4:30? (Everythings fine, Imfine.) Credit: Bravo She cant think Im high maintenance just because of one, single, little 60-minute complaint about glass etiquette! Now, heres the thing: Teddi is correct that Dorit is an intolerable, pretentious, liar. Thems just the breaks. Everyone looks completely glamorous, and Irelishedhearing LVP talk about how shed gotten her fur wrap for $75....

The thing about new girl Teddi shes not exactly dishing it. (Spoiler alert: Dorit is the bong-bong sound.) I once taught English in another country where dinner was provided to the teachers by the local staff. Credit: Bravo I thought I was doing a good thing, but really I was being an awkward weirdo. Teddis behavior isnt bad its simply alien. So I have empathy for Teddis confusion. But how do we solve a problem like an accountability coach on aHousewivesshow?...

You cant even have an excess of moderation, you gold-foiled tool. Thats like saying, I love to indulge in sugar except TRUVIA or I believe in ovals except CIRCLES. WTF are you ever talking about, Dorit? Credit: Bravo Lisa Vanderpump: The queen of diamonds always has an ace up her sleeve.Perfect. Theres nothing Lisa loves more than diamonds, sleeves, and deeming herself queen. Keep it simple, keep it punny, and get us the hell to Las Vegas....

Camille and Lisa Rinna have to try on lingerie and show off their absolutely insane bodies. Like…seriouslyhow do they look like that? Oh, and for her part, Camilles glad that she has a rejuvenated hymen, basically. Credit: Bravo Of course, wed never forget about it because Dorit cant stop harping on it. Especially if hes going to change the name from the already bad Navaa to theworseBeverly Beach. Has she…metLisa?...

This episode was literally about elders and death. What is happening in Beverly Hills?! And, of course, the lingering scent of electronic smoke and Allison DuBois. Credit: Bravo I mean, all hail queens/moguls Tyra and Kimora, but these are our matriarchs, not our ingenues. Especially when Erika went on to describe the festival herself as Ted Talks meets Coachella meets girl power. Now those are descriptors! because,girl, do you remember nearly eviscerating a small blond woman last week?...

Thats a common sentiment to have when one is faced with the memory of atrocities so profound and poignant. Of course, it holds absolutely no weight here. Truly, no one has had a betterRHOBHseason 8 than Lisa Rinna. Credit: Bravo I want to be like Lisa Rinna Iwantto not care! And speaking of wigs, lets talk about how much these ladies werefeeling themselvesin Berlin. As far as gestures-in-lieu-of-apologies go, I thought that was sweet....

(Dear Lord and Savior Andy Cohen, just let there be aRHOAcrossover episode in our future.) LVP tells Dorit that the eyelash is nothing, shellknowwhen Kyles being mean. Kyle snarks back, Well at least its on the table instead of being sneaky. Credit: Bravo Good point, Kyle. And welcome to your storyline for the season. The Kardashians opened the window, and it continued with the Hadids. But, hey, this isnt about Delilah and Amelia and all their teen-nepotism successes!...

And I hate to say it but…its one of the more relatable story lines in recentRHOBHhistory. Whatcanshe hang her stupid Balenciaga ball cap on? A friendship love triangle with two of the franchises heaviest hitters, of course. Credit: BRAVO They stop talking about it. Dorit jokeshilariouslythat she loves [Lisa] more than I love you. ), and immediately started arguing. Erika got the full rundown from LVP in the car ride out, where Rinna also FaceTimed in....

Sure, that could be it. Yeah, that sounds like it could be right. ), and Dorit must go straighten things out with Lisa Vanderpump. Credit: Bravo Indeed they do, Dorit, indeed they do. Can you imagine Ramona Singer and Erika Jayne having a conversation? So thuck you for the new phrase, Bethenny! Thankfully, that also includes moving on back to Beverly Hills. These women just cant handle New York. Let me ask you a question, Kyle says: Do you feel like anythings at stake with us?...

Youre such a fing liar, Camille! But deep down, you know theyre still out there, screaming. Wouldnt you know it sporting the fullHousewivesfranchise roster gets you a lot of reality TV screen time. Credit: Bravo I now know that the editor-in-chief of BELLA Magazine spells her name Courtenay. I know that she retires early from parties to put her three children to bed. I know that BELLA Magazine has a NYFW issue and considers Dorit Kemsley to embody what the magazine represents....

But I just cant help myself. Lets sit down to 10 different dinners to discuss it in full, shall we? The only Housewife who doesnt sit down to a meal exclusively to gossip about her co-workers is Erika. Credit: Bravo Is your life going to change? It really puts the important things in life into perspective… Dorits making bikinis, yaaaaall! But learning about Dorits fashion backgroundhasled me to one wonderful discovery, for which I will be eternally grateful....

Or, at least, I hope she does… AND DORIT!!! Is the truth will set you freereallya card you want to play here, pal??? And this should not read as some sort of defense ofLisa Vanderpump. THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS — Episode 906 — Pictured: (l-r) Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave, Camille Grammer — (Photo by: Isabella Vosmikova/Bravo).Isabella Vosmikova/Bravo And of all champions for their cause Teddi? If they dont want to talk about something or someone,they dont have to....

When you play the game of [Housewives], you win or you die. There is no middle ground. But after Tuesdays episode, a certain Teddi of the House Mellencamp is not seeming long for this world. https://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-beverly-hills/season-9/episode-5/videos/dorit-kemsley-learns-about-teddiDorit Kemsley Learns About Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave’s Text MessageBravo.Bravo For most of the women in theRHOBHcast, this show is their livelihood. Its riveting because I really cannot tell how its going to play out. And if youre going to come for LVP…...