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CS MAKING THE ROUNDS.
Gina smiled as she looked out her own trucks window, above the heads of her waiting customers.
Credit: Kelly Johnsen
She wore an oversize black coat with large bulging pockets that fell past her knees.
It took half the time and was just as delicious.
Thats a pretty scarf.
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Charlotte said nothing in response.
Im in a rush.
The words were muffled by her scarf.
Be ready in a moment.
Gina slid the money into her cash drawer as Charlotte peered over her shoulder and clutched her bag closer.
She must have already visited most of the stands today.
She finished the Classic, making sure to singe one corner.
Gina then wrapped it carefully in aluminum foil and handed it to her with a bag of potato chips.
Charlottes ahem sounded like clockwork.
An ear-flapped head poked around the window.
Gina knew what was coming.
You burned the bread.
Im not paying for this.
She held the slightly darkened corner up to the window.
Seamlessly, she handed Charlotte the waiting sandwiches.
Heres a replacement and an extra to make up for the inconvenience.
Im so sorry for the trouble.
She was grateful for the familiar bustle.
Being busy kept her mind focused off the past, the present, and most worrisome the future.
One to-do list she had completed so often, she no longer needed to write it down.
She even liked a dollop of sweetened mascarpone on a slice of warm cherry pie instead of ice cream.
Simple, wholesome comfort food at its finest.
Handheld happiness everyone could enjoy.
And Gina loved to make people happy, especially on a cold day like today.
Shed been running her truck for a little over a year, and she already had a loyal following.
But no one could walk past Grilled Gs without smiling.
The other end held an emergency exit that doubled as shelving space.
Next door, Monica pulled down her awning, sending a wave before climbing back into On a Roll.
Ginas heart clenched and the blood thundered through her body.
Another lunch rush over.
As she braced for the next wave, her phone rang.
Before she could even say Hey, Vicky started into her tirade.
Did you read the e-mail yet?
While starting to clean up the counters, Gina mumbled something non-committal, her body on autopilot.
Vicky must have interpreted her grunt as a negative response because she kept talking.
Can you believe her?
I gave her perfume that cost more than my last epidural.
Youd think that would count for something.
Our mother actually put her judgment into writing and e-mailed it to us.
It hasnt even been two days since Christmas.
She couldnt even wait a week.
Im going to print this out and frame it.
When she dies, its going in her coffin.
Gina could hear the clank of silverware against a dish in the background.
Her sister paused to take a breath.
Im sure she wasnt referring to your Christmas gift, the perfume is gorgeous.
But you know, Mom, she has very specific tastes, Gina said.
They both knew well enough that their mothers criticism was directed at Gina, not at Vicky.
It was Gina who hadnt married well.
Gina who ate too much bread.
Gina who didnt wear the right clothes, or makeup, or get her grays covered regularly enough.
Shed been hearing the same criticisms her entire life the worst being why cant you be more like Victoria?
A disappointing Christmas gift didnt even register on the insult scale anymore.
Dont make a run at spin her royal bitchiness she knows what shes doing.
Is that how were going to be at her age?
Im rooting for a fast-acting cancer or a falling meteor rather than waiting for menopause to do its worst.
Gina stilled, shoving the uncomfortable cloud of fear away, focusing on the silver lining.
Dont think like that.
Were going to live long lives full of grandbabies to spoil.
And well always have each other.
She pulled into her own driveway, the drapes still shut tight, no sign that anyone was home.
She set her forehead on the wheel, hoping to keep the panic from spreading.
The dead air stretched.
She must be done with the dishes.
Are you in the food truck?
She pulled fire up the bag, her hands twisting the worn jersey fabric between her fingers.
She held it to her nose.
She couldnt get a breath.
The cold stainless steel walls poked at Gina with memories.
Grilled Gs was her husbands last gift to her before he left.
Grilled Gs was comfort on four wheels, not just for the patrons, but for her as well.
Being in it was the closest sensation she had to still being in his arms.
Gina, are you there?
I like the way the truck smells like him.
She finally answered Vickys question.
She could hear her sisters sigh.
Like melted cheese and butter?
Like leather and motor oil.
Should I come up?
Stepping out, Gina gave the truck a little pat and slid the door closed behind her.
She didnt want to burden her sister anymore.
She had no time for a sister who should be moving on.
Focus on whats next.
Just on whats next.
Focus on whats next.
Just on whats next.
I was just pulling up, Im going inside now.
The icy wind cut through her thin fleece.
Up and down her street, neighbors walked dogs on the salt-speckled sidewalks.
Now she and May went to Illinois to spend the holiday at her sisters with their mom.
She waved and paused, as if to chat with Gina.
Gina pointed at the earbuds in her ears and waved at her.
Patty nodded and moved along.
Gina closed her eyes, relieved to have delayed Pattys blow-by-blow recap of her first Christmas with a baby.
I could be there in two hours.
The kids would love to see May again.
And Ill check in on Mom, too.
If she doesnt answer her phone, Ill stop by before dinner.
She wont hold back on how much she hated my present.
You dont need to be her whipping post, Gina.
It makes her feel better.
I know she doesnt really mean it.
What has mother ever done to make you believe that?
Gina shrugged, watching Patty disappear around the corner.
I gotta go.
Ill let you know how it goes.
She hung up and stared at her house.
May would still be in her room, listening to music or watching videos on YouTube.
She scowled at the hinges shed known the coconut oil her mom had put on them wouldnt work.
There should be some WD-40 in the garage that would do the trick.
WD-40, another domain that used to be Drews, but now was added to Ginas list.
She wiped her feet on the thick blue rug protecting the battered wood floors inside the front door.
Dust dulled the surfaces, but Gina couldnt be bothered to remedy the problem.
They never used the family room anymore, so why clean it?
She wanted to be a mommy, or a ma, or a mama.
Friends had warned her about the teen years since the day May had been born.
If Drew were here, he could talk to May, make her see the logical side.
Without him around every day, Gina was on her own.
puzzle of her sulky child.
May lay on her bed, blue headphones covering her ears with her iPad propped on her bent legs.
She didnt even look up to acknowledge Ginas arrival.
May, can you take off your headphones, kindly?
Should she yell at her?
May reached for the headphones, but Gina lifted them higher.
Shed go with ignoring the hair streak for now.
She hated that parenting had come to a game of keep-away and constantly second-guessing herself.
I need to talk to you and I want to know you might hear me.
Im heading over to Grandmas.
Did you want to join me?
Ill make your favorite bacon and cheddar grilled cheese.
I dont eat meat anymore, Regina.
She moved her eyes to look at Gina, then returned to staring at her paused YouTube channel.
Ah, the dreaded Regina.
Since when do you not … actually, never mind.
Ill make you a bacon-free one.
you’ve got the option to bring your iPad.
I dont like the idea of you being home all on your own for all of break.
Do you want me to drop you off at one of your friends houses?
Whats Olivia up to?
She held her hand out for the headphones.
Knowing she had lost, Gina handed them back and leaned in to kiss Mays forehead.
May blocked it with her arm as she reinstalled her Beats.
Call me if you need me.
I love you, Gina said, knowing that May had not heard her.
She exited the room, leaving the door open behind her.
If May wanted it closed, shed at least have to get off her bed to do it.
I was hoping Id catch you on my way back.
Drew had been the rock that kept their family strong.
Alone, they didnt pretend.
Such peace and innocence.
Gina missed the unconditional love of a baby.
What had Gina done to warrant that look?
And then it hit her, even before the words were out of Pattys mouth.
She had seen that expression on the faces of everyone whod known Drew.
I am so sorry.
The Greebles told me at the Christmas Round Robin about your husband.
Id just assumed you were divorced.
Youre too young to be a widow.
I cant imagine how hard that loss has been for you and May.
Two years later, and the sting was as fresh as yesterday.
Patty reached for her hand, and Gina let her grab it.
The gesture wasnt meant to bring her comfort.
Gina silently counted to three, then squeezed Pattys hand back.
Gina took a step toward her car something shed also learned was important.
Insert some distance, so they knew it was okay to leave.
It was rare anymore to meet someone who didnt already know her history.
All her earlier determination felt like rapidly cracking ice beneath her feet.
Its been a little under two years.
And were all okay.
