Like Lady Gaga, I also have fibromyalgia.
Every day when I wake up, its a question of what parts of me hurt and how much.
Do I need a wrist brace to jot down today?
Credit: Netflix
Do I have the energy to exercise?
To get out of bed?
In spite of these physical symptoms, most days the psychological toll is the worst part.
Im lucky very rarely are my symptoms so debilitating that I cant function at a mostly normal level.
The prospect of things like aggravating my heat-sensitive symptoms standing over a hot stove is not appealing.
But I worry will I ever be able to live alone and maintain a decent quality of life?
On top of that, if I want to have children, can I have them?
Or will the energy they demand of me be more than I have to give?
Gaga, who admittedly has a wider range of resources than many, openly ponders these same things.
My entire life I have craved a career in the entertainment industry.
When I received my diagnosis in 2012, I felt betrayed by own body.
And these fears have been realized at times.
When I tried my hand at being a production assistant, I made it through one day.
Can you actually handle this job?
And if I admit my pain, will people think Im weak?
A fibromyalgia diagnosis is a fraught one knit up with gender issues and our societys relationship with mental health.
And Iwouldfeel better if I calmed down because anxiety is a factor in causing the condition to flare.
But because fibromyalgia disproportionately affects women, it also often feels like Im being dismissed out of hand.
Fibromyalgia wasnt even coined as a term until 1976.
If nothing else, its the modern-day equivalent in perception.
When I watchedFive Foot Two,I suddenly felt seen in a way I never have before.
Im not the only one asking these questions.
Dont get me wrong Im certainly not happy shes my sister in chronic pain.
That people will stop telling me my pain is in my head.
That I wont have to spend my limited reserves of emotional energy explaining to someone what it feels like.
That medical professionals might decide there is no cure and symptoms are difficult to treat isnt good enough.
Now, because of Lady Gaga, I feel hopeful about the resources medicine might devote to the condition.
More than anything, Lady Gaga has made me realize I dont need to be afraid anymore.
InFive Foot Two,Gaga tearfully asks, Do I look pathetic?
Then she puts her face in her hands and says, Im so embarrassed.
Hearing Gaga verbalize my own fears quieted them.
She can contort her body through a series of impossibly difficult dance steps and belt out songs.
Surely, then, my dreams, which are significantly less physically demanding, are obtainable too.
Armed with that knowledge, I feel ready to join her and put my paws up.
