It makes the recent ‘Star Trek’ and ‘Star Wars’ entries feel empty.
It’s more fun, too!
I cant stop thinking about the best new episode ofBlack Mirror.
Credit: Jonathan Prime /Netflix
Go watch it now so I can start spoiling it.
God, we were lousy with space operatics this year, lousy being the operative word.
USS Callister doesnt just mercilessly deconstruct those aging sci-fi franchises: It out-thrills them, too.
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(Warning: Spoilers ahead.)
Start with the casting.
Jesse Plemons plays Robert Daly, a brilliant double role.
The first scene of USS Callister is a knowing parody, a loving hyperbolization of everything the originalStar Trekwas.
The colors are garish, the special effects primitive on purpose.
There might actually be a brilliant, heavily-embedded joke in this opening.
The world doesnt respect him.
People dont get out of his way as he leaves the elevator.
The intern is making coffee for everyone but him.
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He trips over a gym bag belonging to some cute brogrammer, who laughs at him behind his back.
Robert loves this TV show, even convinced his co-founder to name their company after the franchises spaceship.
The show was calledSpace Fleetand the ship is theCallister, but youre encouraged to read between the lines.
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Ironically, this was hisleastimpressive trait onFriday Night Lights.
Landry was either a freshman or a sophomore whenFriday Night Lightsstarted.
(The timeline is fuzzy; Landry ages diagonally.)
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The casting worked, because TV can always make more sense than reality.
Plemons actual real-kid youth read onscreen as geeky diminution.
Next to, like, Taylor Kitschs deity-of-wreckage Tim Riggins, Landry could only look approachably small.
He was a great character, an entry-point everyman for anyone (like me!)
who thought football was pretty dumb.
This was not a new idea.
But those first-and-still-bestSpider-Mans defined a catchy new romantic plot arc.
Call itBeauty and the Geek.
and they even restaged the Maguire-Dunst upside-down kiss, a remix of a remake.
Nerds can be sexy, said the 2000s!
According toTV Tropes, This is pretty much the entire point toThe Big Bang Theory, so there.
The Landry-Tyra arc was weird, cursed with the only plot pointFriday Night Lightseveryone remembers hating.
Ego-bruised Landry went to local saint Tami Taylor (Connie Britton) seeking advice.
I have some sort of talent that repels females, said Landry.
I was in love with Tyra for a long time.
I chased her away.
See what you think:
You are gonna go to some great college.
Youre gonna have a career that youll love.
And, Im telling you right now, women are gonna flock to you.
I know its hard to believe, but thats the way its gonna work.
You are a good person, and this is just the beginning.
If this sounds familiar, its because you just recently watchedStranger Things 2.
Dustin (Gaten Matarazzo) has struck out with every girl in school.
Youve always been my favorite.
Girls this age are dumb.
But give them a few years, and theyll wise up.
Youre gonna drive them nuts.
He went to some great college.
He has a great career the CTO!
Of his own company!
and yet here he is, all alone.
A woman walks into his office.
She isnt just the first person who looks at him for more than two seconds.
I just wanted to pass on my admiration, she says, To the person who actually designedInfinity.
The procedural algorithm is amazing.
Just…somebeautiful…code.
A decade-plus of Romantic Nerd storytelling has prepared us for this interaction to trend somewhere cute.
Here is Nanette, the only person who notices him.
Isnt this what Tami and Nancy promised him?
Clearly, Robert thinks they belong together.
These coworkers are now the crew of Dalys own version of theUSS Callister.
They have to be…or else.
Nanette asks her coworkers: What they did do to deserve this punishment?
Shania (Coel) called out Robert for staring.
Elena (Milanka Brooks), the receptionist, committed the crime of insufficient smiling.
Nate (Osy Ikhile), the intern, brought Robert the wrong sandwich.
Its a savvy twist, operating on multiple levels.
Our lovable nerd is actually a toxic boss.
(Most toxic bosses just call that world the office.)
Nanette wont play his weird game.
Go f yourself,sir, Nanette says.
And then Robert takes snaps his fingers, her face disappears.
She crawls on the ground, unable to see or breathe.
I could keep you gasping like this forever, if I wish, says Robert.
How can she not?
Good girl, he says, the matter closed, more fun for him.
The equation of this is simple, inStar Trekterms.
Imagine Sulu secretly hated Kirk as much as George Takei openlyhatesWilliam Shatner.
Throwing this out there: That also describesStar Trekfor at least some portions of its history.
And I say that as someonewho kind oflikesthe movie!
a history of aholes.
He never mentions this profound act ever again in his onscreen life.
You wonder: Was Kirk another Robert Daly?
Is his own persona an act, like the shy little boy grown up to be a machismo grenade?
Or at least question them?
USS Callister doesnt play up identity politics, but its all over this horrific digital prison.
Now, the most recent iterations ofStar WarsandStar Trekhave made strides toward greater inclusion.
But it has largely squandered Sonequa Martin-Green, a wildly compelling screen presence.
In the pilot, her Michael Burnham jumped through space (once without a spacesuit!
), and fought Klingons hand to hand.
(She fought Klingons again, eventually, already Greatest Hits-ing.)
ButBattlestar Galacticawanted to be weird, and theStarfranchises now just want to be popular.
But theres a deeper shared weirdness.
This subtext this total kneeling submission to what has come before becomes the text.
So tough Jyn Erso spendsRogue Onehonoring the suicidal destiny her various dead dads demanded of her.
Were missing something here, and I think the word here isenergy.
You want to see Sonequa Martin-Greens version of a swaggering spaceship hero.
Its a belief system, founded on the very best of human nature.
Its like someone made a religion out of the Sarlacc Pit.)
He adhered to the letter of law and betrays everything about its spirit.
What a year for lonely gods on distant planets!)
USS Callister becomes a race against time on multiple fronts, and has one notable dull plot point.
This involves an act of blackmail.
Digital-Nanette knows that Actual-Nanette has some embarrassing pictures on her phone.
Whatever: USS Callister builds to a full-scale rejection of Robert Daly-ism, and everything he represents.
Hes left all alone in the universe he built.
(The lights go out, just like they did inTwin Peaks.)
(Director Toby Haynes finds so many clever variations on the TV-starship aesthetic in just this single episode!)
The crew finds can go explore the infinite universe now: Theyre officially online.
A ship hails them, someone playing the online game.
Stick us in hyperwarp, says Nanette, And lets f off somewhere.
Its her own personal Make It So!
Its wonderfulAaron Paul, the voice of sad slacker-ish white dudery onBreaking Badand onBojack Horseman.
He declares himself King of Space.
He repeats it again, sighing.
Theres always another bubble universe, another ahole god.
If not, lets follow Nanettes lead, and f off somewhere better.
