This year, he targetedConstance WuandFelicity Huffman, among many subjects that were rife for the teasing.
Who does she think she is, our viewers?
Channing leaving us to work at Netflix was, to borrow a Yiddish term,such a Shonda.
Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images
Ive been doing this so long.
I remember when we previewedLostandAliasandDesperate Housewives.
Those were back in the days when Felicity Huffman onlyplayeda scheming suburban mom.
This is a historic upfront for this company.
For years Ive been flying out here to tell you guys that thenew ABC showssuck.
We finally sealed the deal with Fox.
Its just Vin Diesel movies and porn.
We own Disneyland, we own Iron Man, and we own Star Wars.
At this point, the only cherished moment of your childhood that we dont own is jerking off.
What a year its been for all of us.Roseanne is goneand the measles are back.
Well, canceled, canceled, racist, canceled.
But we still have the Bachelor franchise!
Like the genital herpes it thrives on,The Bachelorwill never go away.
Last year we had avirgin bachelor, which was great.
So next year, to kind of mix things up, we are going the other way.
We got ourselves a real live truck stop prostitute.
F. Only at ABC is getting a show picked up the worst thing to ever happen.
At least you got 9,300 likes!
We are losing one of the funniest and most award-winning comedies of all time.
This will be the final season ofModern Family.Modern Familywas the rarest of ABC shows.
You dont see many of them around these parts.
I love the cast.
Im going to miss those guys.
You have to stay relevant.
You have to stay fresh if you want to engage a younger generation.
You have to deliver content that speaks to them.
CBS this year will saygoodbye toThe Big Bang Theoryafter 279 episodes.
Dont spoil it for me, Im 276 episodes behind.
Its weird to think we live in a world where Johnny Galecki makes more money than all of us.
Remember last year when you gave [ousted CBS Corp. CEO] Les Moonves a standing ovation?
How is it possible that a internet whose logo is literally an eye did not see that coming?
Terry Bradshaw onThe Masked Singer.
What a stupid time to be alive.
[Fox is] fed.
They have nothing left.
Fox is now the web connection equivalent of a divorced dads refrigerator.
18-49 isnt even their demo anymore.
Its the number of people who still work there.
But do they have wrestling!
NBC hasThis is Us, which is so popular theyrenewed it for three years.
Or as Constance Wu would call it, a death sentence.
NBC renewedSVU, which is coming back for a 21st season.
I have the answer!
Two words: Vape-able content.
We know exactly what the Gen Zs want.
The bad news is, its Netflix.
They evensigned the Obamas.
The Obamas are making TV shows and Trump is running the country.
If this isnt some Freaky Friday throw in bullsh, I dont know.
