“I want to come out of this engaged,” he says firmly.
Along the way, I learned the answers to manyBachelorburning questions: What does Chris Harrison do all night?
How long does a rose ceremony really take?
And what on earth is the “meatball theory”?
Take my hand, rose lovers, and let the “journey” begin.
7:00 p.m.
The sun is setting when I arrive at the Bachelor mansion in Agoura Hills.
“Do they still film porn over there?”
asks my Lyft driver as he drops me off.
I laugh and promise to give him five stars.
(The barn was destroyed six weeks later inthe massive California wildfires.)
Some are carrying plates of barbecue from a nearby restaurant, which the team orders on every night-one shoot.
Colton asks for some Binaca and sprays it in his mouth.
“People get angry no matter who we choose.
The only person who didn’t seem to piss people off was Juan Pablo!”
he marvels, referring to the sleazy season 18 star, now considered the Worst.
“Colton represents the biggest potential to create a lot of drama and romance.”
The first limo arrives.
Colton looks a bit anxious; he’s massaging his right palm with his left thumb absentmindedly.
“He’s nervous!”
“Get [a shot] of his hands!”
Still, he’s always ready to break up a fight if necessary.
I ask him if he sees any potential troublemakers in the bachelorette bunch.
“Not yet,” he says.
“It’s hard to tell on night 1.”
The control room erupts in a chorus of studio-audienceooooooohs.
Almost instantly the broadcast-standards rep on hand to monitor the proceedings for ABC pipes up from the couch.
(It did not make the final cut.)
“Jesus Christ, she came out swinging!”
exclaims Colton once Kirpa is safely out of earshot.
“Are you attracted to her?”
The hose joke, Colton says, was “a little awkward.”
Another producer asks Colton if he needs anything.
“More wine,” he replies.
One limo down, five more to go.
“I have to pee!”
A producer standing nearby informs the women that if they need the bathroom, they should just ask.
“Are we allowed?”
replies the contestant with a giggle.
The other women continue chatting, ignoring the trio of camera operators filming them from about 10 feet away.
“He’s so fing cute, oh my God,” sighs one.
“I love all your dresses,” says another.
8:57 p.m.
Wardrobe supervisor Cary Fetman runs a lint roller over Colton’s suit.
I know your eyes are blue.'
If [Colton] was going to put himself in blue every day, I’d kill myself."
Courtney (23, caterer) stood out to him: “She’s very confident.”
When the next limo arrives, a woman emerges wearing a brown, furry sloth costume.
The control room explodes with laughter.
“What has this show come to?”
groans exec producer Martin Hilton with a smile.
“It’s a pun,” she continues.
The women smile and nod their heads politely.
Later, I ask exec producer Bennett Graebner if the women come up with the limo exit gags themselves.
But, he adds, the women are not just assigned silly intro gimmicks by producers.
“Never,” says Graebner.
“Then you’re just asking people to act.
I like people to be memorable, but I also want them to be themselves.”
After exiting the limo, she hands him a gift-wrapped package containing his “favorite brand of underwear.”
The box is empty.
“), but he also has to contend with questions conveyed to him by producers via an earpiece.
“Do you feel like your virginity is at risk?”
yells Fleiss from the back of the control room.
Graebner repeats the question to Harrison, but a few minutes later the host still hasn’t asked it.
You’re not the one standing in front of a 6' 3 former NFL football player.”
After being prompted twice by producers, Harrison pops the “Is your virginity at risk?”
“I feel like three or four of them tried to take my virginity on night 1!”
Exclusive:Bachelorcontestants eat.
One contestant confesses, “It’s definitely different than I thought it would be.”
11:05 p.m.
“We’re only one hour behind schedule,” notes Graebner.
In a few minutes, Colton’s one-on-one chats with the bachelorettes will begin.
Most of the setups are simple enough, like a two-shot of Colton and a bachelorette by the fireplace.
The first one-on-one goes to a brunette, who brings Colton a pair of white sneakers and some markers.
The Bachelor gamely engages in the coloring activity, but in the control room, Fleiss disapproves.
“She’s annoying,” he grumbles.
“She’s a ratings killer.”
The visual cacophony is enough to give anyone a nervous breakdown, but Fuchs finds the process soothing.
“My therapist calls me a stimulation junkie,” he admits.
The first kiss of the night.
“Oh my God!”
exclaims someone in the control room.
Apparently even the producers didn’t expect their Virgin Bachelor to move so fast.
“How important is it that you get time with him?”
“It’ssoimportant,” she gushes.
“Help me out,” he interrupts.
“What are we talking about right now?”
Sydney tries again: “Getting time with Colton issoimportant.”
Occasionally, these first-night ITMs turn to more mundane matters.
“You guys didn’t prepare us for that.”
The producer shrugs apologetically.
“Sorry about that.”
It’s time to check on the roses.
(Need a blanket for a driveway picnic, or markers to doodle on some sneakers?
you’re free to find them here.)
Rutherford opens the door.
“Here they are,” she says, gesturing to a…trash can.
Eventually they will be unwrapped, trimmed, and readied for their close-up.
1:50 a.m.
Colton kisses his third woman of the night.
“Are you Spotify or Apple Music?”
The Bachelor says he prefers the latter, and his companion is shocked.
“Apple Music sucks!”
Exec producer Graebner is not impressed.
Graebner gestures toward a chafing dish on the counter and reveals another food-relatedBachelorrule: the meatball theory.
“Because this is the safest space in the house.
If they’re afraid to talk to the Bachelor, they stand next to the meatballs.”
3:03 a.m.
Everybody to the mixer room!
It’s time for the First Impression Rose to make its grand entrance.
“Who’s not feeling confident right now?”
“How meaningful would it be to get the First Impression Rose?”
“I might be a virgin, but…” Colton trails off for a second.
“I don’t want to say that.
What should I say?”
In between questions, the Bachelor sips iced coffee and yawns.
4:36 a.m.
Chris Harrison eats a black-and-white cookie from craft services.
He’s standing in the control room looking refreshed after a catnap.
“They’ll text me and say, ‘Be here in five minutes.’
It’s almost time for Colton to hand out the First Impression Rose.
“Push in on faces!
The first tears of the night!
The women have spent the past 20 minutes outside posing for a group photo with the Bachelor.
It’s because I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.”
Without the dramatic rose-ceremony music that will be added in postproduction, the long pause is even more awkward.
For God’s sake, Colton, what are you waiting for???
And Paulie doesn’t give the signal until he hears from Fuchs via his earpiece.
In the control room, Fuchs scans the monitors and then begins the countdown.
“3…2…1…pick it up.”
Colton picks up the rose.
“3…2…1…go.”
Colton calls [spoiler’s] name.
Does Fuchs have a system for determining how long the wait should be between each rose-ceremony beat?
“No, I just feel it,” he reports.
Or who looks like she’s about to cry.
A camera catches a roseless woman looking distraught.
“Oh, that’s so sad,” says Fuchs.
“She’s starting to do the math.”
6:44 a.m.
“Ladies, Colton.
This is the final rose tonight.
When you’re ready.”
“What’s the hardest part about leaving?”
“What do you want for yourself?”
“You guys are the real MVPs, having to stand this long in heels!”
“Nothing like champagne at 6 in the morning.
Can we get some OJ in here?
Some biscuits and gravy?”
Things are starting to wind down in the control room.
On the monitor, I see a discarded contestant sitting in profile, wrapped in a brown blanket.
She’s staring straight ahead glumly.
After a minute, she notices the camera is on.
“Oh my God,” she says.
“We’re recording.”
I finally leave the mansion.
At this moment, to my knowledge, Colton remains a virgin.
The 23rd season ofThe Bachelorpremieres Monday, Jan. 7 at 8 p.m. on ABC.
