Has there ever been a wake so lit?
To the Green Room!
Let us discuss the deliciously outrageous drama surrounding the Carringtons, the family putting the nasty inDynasty.
Credit: Bob Mahoney/The CW
This is the stuff that soapy dreams are made of!
The drama picks up almost immediately where thepremiere left off.
And she blames Blake Carrington.
Murder Accusations and Screaming Widows is an unconventional wedding theme, but hey, the Carringtons are unconventional people.
Needless to say, the press and the police are all over the Carrington mansion.
The first step in controlling the narrative is to have their head of PR-turned-COO speak to the press.
Unfortunately, that person is Cristal, who is unable to hide her grief.
The next morning, Fallon, her breakfast head wrap, and the rest of the Carringtons regroup.
she gets paid a visit from everyones favorite (except Cristal) butler-slash-henchman, Anders.
He succeeds in both.
An A+ for Anders!
He, too, is distraught.
He tells her that in his final moments, Matthew called out for Cristal.
Cristal needs to be careful with the Carringtons.
How bad could Blake really be?
Motive and means: thats something worth looking into.
Find common ground, you handsome moguls!
She and Willy, there for support, are sure Blake is somehow to blame for Matthews death.
The sweater that still smells like him looks very familiar to us and, more importantly, to Cristal.
Thats cold, people.
Cristal, you in danger, girl.
Blake has also offered to pay for Matthews funeral and host the wake.
So, just as the wedding linens are being disposed of, Anders must dust off the funeral tablecloths.
Knowing this family, he hopefully has them located in an easy-to-reach spot.
The funeral is hilarious.
The funeral is too much for her.
Yes, to end their argument, Cristal pushes Fallon into an open grave and walks off.
This funeral is the best!
The wake isnt so bad, either.
When Willy gets drunk and starts loudly blaming Blake for Matthews death, Cristal steps in.
She tells Willy that Matthew was in love with her, but it was all one-sided.
She lies to Willys face, belittles him, and to top it off, she fires him.
Talk about collateral damage.
#FreeWilly
Cristal does it all in the name of Carrington.
Again, Blake tells her that everything he does is for his family, and that includes her.
Funeral sex, its a thing.
The sun hasnt set on the Carrington mansion just yet.
There is still time to squeeze in some additional drama.
Im talking about you know, the FBI showing up.
Theres a new suspect and the FBI is taking over the case.
Blake seems relieved…until the FBI shows up and arrestsSteven.
Go on and brush your shoulder pads off,Dynasty.
