You remember how it felt to be 12 and so excited to wear your costume to school.
Weve all seenHocus Pocus.
Now, in 2017, nostalgia hubs have capitalized on the vocal public affection forHocus Pocus.
Disney
Theres aremakein the works at Disney Channel.
Freeform is airing the 1993 favorite for 12 straight hours on Tuesday.
Halloween withoutHocus Pocusis like Christmas without Mariah Carey: unthinkable and unbelievable.
Disney
Whats one without the other?
But since its Halloween, allow me to become your monster.
It never has been, and no performative declarations of how much youloveHocus Pocus will ever change that.
Disney
First, the character of Thackery Binx makes no sense.
But the rules of his existence as an immortal talking cat seem inconsistent at best.
Hes a talking cat.
He didnt think to maybe tell his dad, Hey, you know those witches you just hanged?
Or that he didnt want his family to see him in cat form.
Really, if that was his one goal in life, why couldnt he do… better?
Scratch the black flame candle so no one can light it.Burythe candle in a ravine.
Burn the spell book.
Burn the whole house to the ground.
Another thing: There is no reason Thackery would have a British accent.
The local high school has a massive, walk-in kiln with a deadbolt lock on the outside.
But by far the biggest inconsistency in the movie is how the Sanderson sisters are portrayed.
Second, what is going on with the Sanderson sisters?
Thats not a funny juxtaposition of 17th- and 20th-century sensibilities.
By the logic of the film, the Sanderson sisters havemetthe actual Devil.
Hes their evil master.
Pull over, she says.
Let me see your drivers permit!
Of course, a witch from the 1600s would have no idea what any of that means.
You cant have it both ways,Hocus Pocus.
The fishes are either out of water or fully immersed in water.
What did Max and Dani learn here?
What journey did our protagonists go on?
But theres also a weird current of toxic masculinity that runs through the story.
Dani throws herself over some pumpkins and begins crying.
At least you would have died like a man!
she yells at her brother.
Max fulfills his character journey, one presumes, by being brave enough to fight the Sanderson sisters.
He endlessly made fun of them.
and Theres a power greater than magic, and thats knowledge!).
And still, we all say we love it.
We reference it and talk about it as if its a perfect holiday movie.
Our memories are free of irony and bitterness.
We watch it all the time, too.
Its literally on right now.
I dont mean to be the sour apple on Halloween (is that a saying?
It should be a saying).
ButHocus Pocushas surpassed its rightful place in the Halloween movie echelon mediocre, but basically enjoyable childrens movie.
It has stumbled into being celebrated as some glorious holiday tradition like explorers accidentally exalted as Aztec gods.
This town is bizarre and so is the behavior of everyone in it.
