We did it, rose lovers.
And what a shshow it has been.
Lets recap, for the final time this year.
Credit: ABC
(Reminder: Fall doesntofficiallybegin until Sept. 22, so technically our host could be right.)
In a shocking turn of events, Annaliese does not completely lose her mind.
Im not worried, she says.
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I know that he wants to marry me.
(As well see later, he does not.)
Up next, we haveJordanandJenna.
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If Jordan does not propose, I will be crushed, she says.
Once at the proposal platform, Jenna tells Jordan, Youre all I ever wanted…
I love you so much, and I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
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And then…
She says yes!
Dammit, rose lovers, why am I crying???
Last and definitely least, we haveChrisandKrystal, the imperfectly perfect pair, as Krystal calls them.
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Chris and I are both afraid of commitment, she quavers.
Maybe its too good to be true.
Its definitely toosomething, honey.
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And she LOVES it.
Now lets leave this crab-infested beach and get to the reunion, shall we?
Harrison asks the former couple how things are going between them, and naturally Tia pipes up first.
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We were never on the same page, she says with a wry laugh.
We tried, and it didnt work, and I wish Colton the best.
Doesnt he look totally happy and comfortable in his own skin?
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When it comes toKevinandAstrid, Harrison has the same question we all do: What in the world happened?
Astrid still has no idea.
She and Kevin have been talking sinceParadise, but Astrid says theyre in limbo because the trust is broken.
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All right Kevin, get out here and explain yourself.
Thats the gist, honestly.
After two relationships that failed post-Suite, Kevin says he just wigged out upon hearing that term in Mexico.
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Astrid, can you forgive him?
Hes back in therapy, and he knows it was his own fault.
I brought baggage to Paradise, admits Kevin.
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And she got blamed for it.
Ooooh, you guys… shes holding his hand!
And now she admits to being in love with him.
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And now…
Huzzah!
Hope for reality TV romance springs eternal!
Lets hope we can say the same thing for our next couple.
ABC
First, Harrison makesKendallsit on the hot seat alone and watch her breakup withGrocery Store Joe.
I tend to run away from relationships that are serious, she admits.
Of course, TeamParadisecame along too.
Kendall admits to Joe that she was holding back, and that she really does love him.
Does he still feel this way a few weeks later?
Thank the reality TV gods, Grocery Store Joe and Kendall are back together!
Whatever, TeamParadise Im still not gonna watchDWTS.
(Next: Annaliese gets blindsided… again)
Moving on toAnnalieseandKamil.
Long distance, after all, is hard.
This is fed up, mutters Astrid, speaking for all of us.
I dont mean to shock you like this, Kamil says weakly.
Its been coming for a few days.
Wait a minute… Annaliese is coming back out now to read Kamil the riot act.
Tia, for one, is INTO IT.
I literally tried to break up with you like two weeks ago, says Annaliese.
And you said, I dont want to lose you and Im going to fight for you.
Listen buddy: If you didnt want to do it on TV, thendont do it on TV.
Unless producers are holding your grandma hostage or something, there is no other excuse.
Ladies, like come give Annaliese a hug.
Gurl, leave this franchise behind and go find your happiness in the wonderful world of actual reality.
Were rooting for you.
Welp, I guess we know howBachelor in Paradisewill kick things off in season 6.
If only we could end on that note.
Instead, weve got one more couple to get through:ChrisandKrystal.
And even though theyre still happy and in love and all that, Chris cant stop crying.
Hes even met Krystals family.
Chris and Krystals moms are in the audience, and they seem cautiously optimistic about the whole situation.
So, congrats I guess?
Now hey take your crystal goose and get out of here Angela is on fire!
Gotta say, the bloopers were a bit disappointing.
But the good news is, we now have a 117-day break until the new season ofThe Bachelor.
And am I the only one who wants to be best friends with Yuki?
Post your thoughts below.
Now if youll excuse me, Im going to sleep until January 7, 2019.
