But something happened when I saw him.
Fred Armisen
I get lost in fantasy a lot …
This is something thats happened to me a million times.
Flatiron Books
I have a problem with intimacy where all of a sudden theres a real person there.
Im trying to fix this.
Im trying to get better at this, but something happens in me where its almost like amnesia.
Stephen Shugerman/Getty Images
Its almost like waking up and going, Where am I?
Who is this person?
Why is this person looking me directly in the eye and having a conversation?
Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP
It sort of started when I was about 9 or 10 years old.
Thats a real syndrome.
It is a real key in of OCD.
Andrew Toth/FilmMagic
A lot of people have it.
Lake Bell
I birthed at home.
It was very important to me.
Gregg DeGuire/WireImage
Its just a massacre.
Wyatt Cenac
My father was murdered when I was 4 … Then there were some witness accounts and stuff like that.
It was really amazing.
Then, at the end of it all, there is the guy.
They caught the guy and I had his whole rap sheet.
It was weird to just see that, and to just get a fuller picture of that guy.
Ray Tamarra/GC Images
He lives in Brooklyn.
Well, let me tell you this: That scenario in my head is a benchmark.
Margaret Cho
Ive always been pretty bisexual.
Maarten de Boer/Getty Images
Sometimes it depends on the girl.
When were together, and I feel so powerful, like I dont need men.
We dont need men at all.
Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images
It feels really good.
That sort of proves Im not gay, because I have so much invested in patriarchy.
Being with a woman is a beautiful vacation from patriarchy.
Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images
Louis C.K.
You know when a kids crying in a delivery room, everybody is smiling.
Aw, look at her cry.
Gabriel Olsen/FilmMagic
But I was really upset for her.
They put her on this little table, and theyre putting stuff around her …
Sorry … Im unexpectedly emotional.
Presley Ann/Patrick McMullan/Getty Image
It was a C-section, so her mom is being sewn up.
Her mom was just taken away.
David Cross
Ive never sought out my father.
Mike Pont/FilmMagic
He lives in New York.
My last interaction with him I was 19.
It was on the phone.
J. Vespa/WireImage
About a year into sobriety I had my first experience with super unipolar suicidal depression.
Jeff Garlin
Whats bottom?
Eating until I cant stop throwing up.
John M. Heller/Getty Images
Not that Im making myself throw up.
We dont really have any relationship anymore.
I havent talked to her in probably seven or eight years.
Paul Archuleta/FilmMagic
We were living together, we were married.
Craig Ferguson
Ive been sober much longer than I ever drank alcohol.
Its very difficult for me to define my life by that one thing.
Robby Klein/Getty Images
It fing could be in a heartbeat, but its not right now.
Its all negative space.
Its all ‘whats not there.’
Theo Wargo/Getty Images
I dont do anything bad.
I never cheat, I dont even flirt.
I also dont make a lot of eye contact.
Neilson Barnard/Getty Images
I go into a domestic kind of cocoon.
Stop having sex, I stop taking showers, I focus on my work.
Rachael Harris
Divorce was so hard.
Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic
But over the years, things happen.
The thought of leaving was hideous and awful, but the thought of staying was worse.
I didnt know that I was going to be the only black girl on the team.
David M. Benett/Dave Benett/WireImage
When I walked into basketball practice, I walked in with a radio, so Im the stereotype.
Some of them girls had never even met a black person before.
It was an adjustment for me and I was very lonely …
Fred Hayes/Getty Images for SAGindie
I had my mattress in the living room because this was so new to me …
I didnt want to sleep in the room.
There was nobody in the apartment with me.
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images
I was fing alone and Im scared.
I was like 18.
I weigh a lot more than I used to because I dont think about food all the time.
Meghan Sinclair/Conaco
you’ve got the option to never escape it.
Youre with yourself all the time.
And also, you have to eat.
Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic
Its the most inescapable thing to have an issue with.
I was bulimic for 10 years.
I just did so much of that thinking that Im just relieved now.
Jemal Countess/Getty Images
I have friends who were put in prison.
Scars you for life, knowing thats a possibility.
You buy into the lie that homosexuality is unnatural.
Rich Fury/Getty Images
Its living in a closet.
Its living in a place thats dark and dusty, with old things that arent used anymore.
You certainly dont like yourself, nor do you like society that makes you like that.
Alberto E. Rodriguez/WireImage
Once you stop all that, the relief.
Proud to be gay?
No, proud to say Im gay …
Gilbert Carrasquillo/FilmMagic
I can now cry onstage.
I could never cry before.
My acting was fake.
Albert L. Ortega/Getty Images
My acting was disguise.
Now my acting is about revelation, truth.
I cant stop talking and telling people, Come out.
Ethan Miller/Getty Images
Join the human race.
Kumail Nanjiani
I was 18 when I moved here.
Most of my formative years were in Pakistan.
I left Karachi, and I landed in Des Moines, Iowa.
If you go to Iowa, theres not that many people around …
It was almost like people would go out of their way to not ask me about Pakistan.
What does that mean?
Im absorbing all kinds of stereotypes and ideas from society.
Like Richard Pryor or Shaft.
Im trying on a whole bunch of outfits.
Heres how I should act.
Heres what it means to be cool.
Heres what it means to be manly.
You know, you start smoking.
You start drinking coffee.
Youve got a leather jacket.
It really comes from finding myself very flawed.
I think thats at the root of Catholicism.
Were all just flawed.
Theres nothing we can do about it.
I grew up just having a very dark self-view."
At the time, my doctors thought it was because of the birth control pill.
That has since been negated, and it boils down to migraine-related stress issues.
Amy Schumer
My mom leaves my dad.
Has an affair with my best friends dad.
Breaks up their family.
Were trying to still be best friends.
Like, we were best friends.
It was crazy … She was Hester Prynne.
I was like, I love my mom.
Shes my family, so f you guys.
Then years later, I was like, Mom, how could you do that?
Jason Segel
If Me Five Years Ago saw Me Now, I would be unrecognizable.
I was drinking quite a bit.
I got to the point where I felt like I was going to collapse under the weight of it.
I felt very trapped.
It was not a party in any way.
Molly Shannon
My dad raised two kids by himself.
My mom died when I was 4 and a half, so it was hard on him.
He was a single dad let with a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old.
My little sister Katy was also killed in that car accident, and he was driving …
I think when youre that little you feel like you must have done something wrong to make them leave.
Youre too self-centered, so you think you must have done something wrong.
Then you just realize how hard it is to be a parent, and Ive made so many mistakes.
Different mistakes than my parents made.
Some the same, but Im trying not to.
Wanda Sykes
I cant believe this is my life.
Me, married to this beautiful white French woman, and I have two blond-haired, blue-eyed kids …
I wake up in the middle of the night this is one of the scariest things ever.
The kids are five, the twins.
Its some creepy sh–.
Robin Williams
I only drove drunk, that I remember, once.
I woke up the next morning asking, Wheres my car?
It turned out that the bartender had driven me home.
He was a sweet guy and he drove me home.
The next day, I couldnt find the car.
I thought oh my God, my cars been stolen.
They parked it for me in a safe parking lot.
Its nice when people take care of you when youre that loaded.
