Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdomroars into theaters this weekend.
Its an agreeably daft popcorn blockbuster that jettisons the faux-Spielberg wonder the past film attempted to capture.
Here are 11 of the most gloriously absurd moments.Beware spoilers, all ye who enter here.
Credit: Universal
Well, all life except resident velociraptor dad Owen Grady (Pratt), that is.
In other words, he should have retrieved the motorcycle.
Evading their toothy new friend, Claire spots a convenient ladder to a convenient escape hatch above.
Universal Pictures
Et tu, Star-Lord?
Serious question: Is Owen Grady actually superhuman?
Lets consider the evidence.
Universal Pictures
Later on, he perfectly times a somersault through a T-rexs gnashing jaws.
Once at the Lockwood estate, he disarms and defeats an entire team of trained (and armed!)
soldiers by body-slamming them one after the other, aided only by an awesomely clumsy Stygimoloch.
Universal Pictures
Who can blame it?
The film doesnt stay there for long, though.
How long do they go undetected?
Universal Pictures
Now,Fallen Kingdomplays fast and loose with geography throughout its length.
TheArcadias voyage, however, is a special case.
It doesnt add up.
Universal Pictures
The only logical conclusion?
They exist, and theArcadiasailed right through one, sneakily setting up aJurassic Universefranchise down the line.
How could no one notice what Mills has been up to?
Giles Keyte/Universal Pictures
His catering budget alone must have been huge.
Shut up, thats why.
NEXT PAGE: Dinosaur tears, and FreddyKreuger-aptor
7.
Universal Pictures
Nice going, Owen.
Also, did anyone even check whether these two dinosaur species blood types matched?
Antiques roadshow
$10 million for a living Ankylosaur?
Universal Pictures
In the real world, dinosaurfossilscan go for up to $9 million.
My assessment: Toby Jones Gunnar Eversol is an absolutelyatrociousblack market auctioneer host.
Any self-respecting Ankylosaur would be well-within their (admittedly unestablished) rights to demand a higher figure.
Universal Pictures
Thats how much it costto host the Oscars, once.
Itsapproximately the same bill Buckingham Palace had to foot for Prince Harry and Meghan Markles nuptials this year.
And itshow much Jay-Z made on a single tour (for4:44).
Universal Pictures
No wonder the big guy was feeling more than slightly murderous.
So what do you do?
a) Run for the hills?b) Negotiate a five-figure movie deal adapting your harrowing life story.
Universal Pictures
